Why does my wife not want to have sex?

Why does my wife not want to have sex?
Why does my wife not want to have sex?
Photo Credit: Creativa Images / Bigstockphoto.com


  1. She might say no because she’s angry with you.
  2. Maybe she’s just tired or sad
  3. You might need to improve your sexual technique.
  4. Be patient and find out the problem.

Men come home from work, take off their clothes, throw their socks on the seat, flop down on the couch and turn on the television. The wife stands at the corner, looking at her husband and wondering when he will change.

Marriage is a lot of give and take. Sex is a vital part of marriage; it cements partners together. Sex is fun and intimate and allows partners to show love to each other. So why is my wife not want to have sex with me? There are many reasons a woman might decide not to sleep with her husband, here are a few examples.

She’s not Happy with Her Husband

If you treat your wife rudely, or are insensitive to her, then you shouldn’t be surprised when she tells you she isn’t in the mood for sex. Inability to help her with chores counts as insensitivity. If you constantly belittle her, or treat her like a child, then she won’t want to get intimate with you.

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Distrust and loss of respect can also be responsible. No woman will want to sleep with someone she distrusts, and the commonest reason for this is promiscuity on the man’s part. If this is the case, you need to repair the broken trust and rebuild your relationship.

Sexual Incompatibility

Another reason is if the wife is no longer attracted to the husband. If your sexual life was previously on track but deteriorated, then it might be because of a physical change you or her underwent. Perhaps the man has poor hygiene. These factors must be considered.

Sometimes, a man doesn’t understand a woman’s body enough and has poor sexual technique. This means that sex hurts your wife, if this is the case, you should learn new techniques and increase foreplay.

Expanding Family

Having children means your lives circulate around them. She may care for them all day and be physically exhausted at night. If you help her with the kids, she might not be as tired at night.

The kids might even sleep in the same bed as she. To combat this, hire a babysitter, take her out on a date, go on a mini-vacation and book a hotel for some days. This gives you both time to rekindle the sexual spark.

Physical Bodily Changes

Pregnancy, menopause and menstruation all affect libido levels. Hormones might be running rampant in her body, making her irritable in her own skin, how then can she entertain another person? Certain physical conditions can also make sex painful.

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Nursing mothers might also abstain from sex because they may feel they already have one person latched onto them and cannot stand another person.

The husband should exhibit patience, after all this is your child too. Patience and effective communication about your feelings will soon reroute things, and if all fails, you should consider counselling.

Mental Changes and/or Drugs

If your wife is stressed about work, family or a financial issue, it is bound to affect her libido. Certain mental anxieties like depression and mood disorders are known to reduce sex drive. Even drugs like oral contraceptives and antidepressants can cause bloating and moodiness. Visit a psychiatrist or ask for alternative drug routines. Most importantly, love her and be patient, that is the best aphrodisiac at this time.

Having sex in a marriage is not obligatory, you should never attempt to demand sex from your wife as this is tantamount to marital rape and can severely damage your wife’s psyche.

Instead, communicate with her, identify the problem and work on solutions together.