Many parents feel discouraged and helpless when they see their child as a troublemaker or when a child starts leading to problems. Dear Parents, it’s time to quit traditional methods of parenting.
“I do not understand how it happened and who was wrong, and how to remedy the situation,” most of the parents soon find themselves around these questions. Then, starts the blame game, which leads to domestic quarrels arise and finally cracks in the relationships. But, this is the actual time when parents start taking the situation seriously.
And, the discussion starts with the importance and difficulty of the role they have in the growth and formation of a child. From this point, parents tend to divide into two categories: one that refuses to ask something, impose their “model” taken from the family and something they are convinced of and the other category, which kneads to the questions “Where wrong?” Why my child do that? What should I do? This write up is for the dear parents who are in category second.
Nobody was born learned.” It is true in the case of children, and the parents. We all learn together and from each other. It is a learning process that starts from the early days of the child. It is a time when parents’ daily emotional maturity, understanding, empathy and strength and to process emotions is put under scanner; it is tested.
But, sadly, most of the time their mission is hampered by parental model. We must learn that for the same problem, we cannot imply the same solution to everyone. It is like medication – a medicine that suits me, may be it is bad for someone else.
“You’re not able to do anything!” “You will do nothing in this life!” Many parents imagine that through this message will motivate their child to do things differently, more serious, more mature, more as they expect. Wrong! This message will “schedule” only failure and that will destroy the self-confidence, wisdom, and patience.
You are making your kid believe that there is something that he is not going to achieve ever. The message is strong destabilizing, and not motivating. Many parents will appear and say that their intention was very good, they want what is best for their child. From one point of view, it is true, only the messages of this kind carry with it a parent’s state of mind.
ALSO READ – Beating your Child – Reshaping or De-Shaping?
A parent who failed professional or social for any of his/her mistakes, he/she never wants his/her kid to suffer the same pain. But, the child does not know these things. He believes and accepts whatever his parents say, and will act accordingly because for him it is his father who knows better than him, he loves his father and he will unconditionally accept what comes from him.
“You always want something, leave me alone!” “You do not have the right to ask for something!” Who are you? Many of us don’t know how to balance the life after becoming a parent. We all have dreams about a happy family and a child, but for many of us, those dreams remain only a projection or fiction.
Still caught in its own maturation process, or important moments in their professional life; parents get to feel overwhelmed by all the responsibility and everyday tasks related to raising and educating a child.
And then, without realizing, somewhat repel get their child that requires further and especially naturally attention and care. The above messages are perceived by the child with a painful feeling. How a child can be so unimportant and how whom do you suppose him to ask questions if not you?
“You stop fooling around!” “Take things seriously!”, “No more play!” Dear parents! – kids need everything; be it play, relaxation, enjoyment, fun, childhood. Some parents were raised in the spirit of accountability early, with very strict rules due to material difficulties or family problems.
They will tend to apply the same methods with their children, but you should not forget that childhood has its very important role, and should not be “skipped”. Empowering a child is gradual, according to his age, with much care to the child’s own emotional needs, not because parents do not have the patience to play with him or do not have time to engage in activities.
Enthusiasm, humor, cheerfulness are important to a child’s emotional life and should be encouraged. A child who received the indirect message “Do not be a baby” it will be quite difficult for them as an adult to have fun. They will start running from games with friends, family or an ordinary party. Will always be more serious, even when withdrawn may amuse, to laugh, to have fun.
“Stay with us, here you have everything – you wish!” Such messages heard in many families, I can make a young person feel guilty that he wants at some point something else than life with his parents. Any child feels the need to seek his way in life independently, just as he will be prevented sometimes even his own parents.
Dear parents! you don’t know that by saying this, they are actually putting their own kid in a risk of not doing things to behave in a little independent manner, and not letting the child to mature, to take responsibility as an adult. That kid will always prefer to remain dependent on his parents even up to 40 years.
Unfortunately, such a “child” will not learn to fend for himself, and he will never find out what he wants and how he wants.
Why get into such a situation? It is well known that the emotions that we ban almost invariably arrive at suppression of natural or physical sensations. You don’t need to be a father, who wants to control every moment and emotion of his kid including the most trivial: cold, hunger, and other physiological needs.
“Eat, I know you’re hungry!” “Put your scarf that is cold!” “Do not get there,” “Do not speak out of turn”, “Stop whining, the world laughs with you “,” Do not ask questions, it’s rude, “seasoned with” Eat everything on your plate, “Stop leads to the bathroom so often.” Stop being a dictator.