Thankless Son and Useless Daughter-in-Law – #Trending Now

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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

Friday evening it was and I was already knitting up my plans for the upcoming weekend; a lot of things to do over this weekend. I boarded the bus and grabbed a seat. I pulled out my headphones, but then I noticed that my phone battery was just two percent. “Oh shit! What do to? I asked myself.” Nothing I can do besides listening to passengers’ chit-chat. Right next to me were sitting two ladies in their mid-50s and they were talking about their son and daughter-in-law. Lady on the left asked the lady sitting on her right,“how is your daughter doing?” “She is fine, my son-in-law is so humble, he takes care of every little thing my daughter asks for.” Wow, how lucky your daughter is.”

How easy it was for those ladies to blame daughter-in-law and own son without even peeping inside their heart for once.

Another question was waiting for her. “I got to know that about your son’s marriage. How is he doing?” This time, the answer was different, “Don’t ask dear! My son has gone completely out of control. He is under hypnotism of his wife and in-laws. Without caring much about his mother, who brought him into this world, he listens to only his wife. Be it as smallest thing as wearing a shirt, he asks his wife. Day by day, he is becoming henpecked.” I was trying to figure out the basis between these two different answers. “ When it is about son-in-law, listening to his wife makes that lady happy. But, when it is about her own son, the same thing disturbs her to the hell.

I was laughing inside and was thinking about the double standards of those ladies. After a few minutes, it was the lady on the left’s turn to ask questions. “Hey! I got to know about your sister. Very sad to hear that her only son left her alone and shifted with his wife to another town.” How can he do this to her.” It is completely his fault. Well, the discussion was becoming emotional (emotional for those two ladies).

It was my bus stop and after leaving the bus, I was on my way home, with a bunch of questions. I racked my brain for the whole night. I was wondering, how easy it was for those ladies to blame daughter-in-law and own son without even peeping inside their heart for once. Why do they have dual standards; one for their own daughters and one for someone’s else daughter (daughter-in-law)? What is the real reason behind increasing number of old-age homes? How come it becomes so difficult for people to adjust in the same house after their marriage? Who actually force who for leaving a house? For the answers, I approached my grandfather and here is what he told me.

Dear grandson – the real culprit is the advancement. The more books you read the more idiot and uneducated you will become. Your generation talks a lot about gender equality, honesty, trust, love, respecting elders, unity, and greed, but where is the implementation? Should someone of my age wants to share his experiences with you, you will reject it instantly, “Rudiwadi soch (orthodox thinking).” I am not against the freedom of man and woman, but I must say this freedom and open-mindedness is the real reason behind everything. We blame boy if he leaves his parents at old age, but ever tried to figure out the reason behind it? I mean, “once an idiot is always an idiot.” If a boy has to take that drastic step, then what made him wait until marriage? Right after a few months of marriage, a responsible dude becomes an arrogant, irresponsible and a henpecked son. If he is listening to his wife, society will label him as a “Joru ka Ghulam” and if he listens to his parents, he is a mommy’s boy then. And on top of this, only women have authorities of issuing him a certificate. I have never heard a man talking on this baseless topic.

Hmmm.. So, what is the solution grandpa? The solution is a some academic classes on moral values rather than lectures and debates on man-woman rights. Being a mother-in-law, if I want my daughter-in-law to behave like my own daughter, then I must learn how to treat her as my daughter and if being a daughter-in-law I want my mother-in-law to replace my mother, I must represent myself as her daughter. Let me tell you an example. If I ask you, have you ever noticed, how often and for how long your wife talks to her mother and your mother? I bet, once in a blue-moon to your mother and for the maximum of 10 minutes or so. And with her own mother, every day, as and when she gets time. Am I true? Same is the case with your mother; every freaking day she must be having a call from your sister and once in a month to your wife (because you guys are not living together). Let me tell you, your sister’s mother-in-law must be going through the same trouble, though your dad never shared a word with me.

You told me that when you were living as a PG during your graduation, you were eight guys sharing two rooms and you never mentioned any sort of trouble among you eight. Can you tell me one single similar example for the girls? Not all of them, but for a significant proportion of females, sharing things is a challenge. Be it their hair-brush, jeans, t-shirt, kitchen, room, or house; sharing is not their cup of tea. Perhaps this is the reason, why mothers do not want to share their son’s attention and same is the case with wives.

Each and a single word of Grandpa was making complete sense to me. He further continued, I do not understand the logic behind consistent interference of girl’s mother in some cases. What is she so worried about? Why a few mothers’ want every minute’s report of what happening with son-in-law family? Why do they make their own girl a spy of her in-laws family? These so-called spies will share everything with their mothers, but their own mistakes. On top of this, instead wisely handling the (their daughter’s) immaturity about relationships, a few mothers further spoon-feed them with a “Jwabi Karwahi (wrong moral values).” Even they know, they are doing it wrong and spoiling their own daughter’s house, they barely refrain. It is a matter of ego now and a few ladies take it personally. People of your generation have no patience and they have lost their control over their tongues. They feel like ,”saying it all is the best option.” The television serials are funny now. In my times, we had serials like Hum Log, Buniyaad; so full of moral and emotional values. You guys have – Saas Bahu, Diya Baati and other nonsense stuff, so full of family politics. The amazing part is – even in serials, it is females conspiring against females.

On the other side, men are equally responsible. I don’t know why the men of your generation fear so much when it is about taking a stand. If your wife is upset and your mother has said something to her, do not always take is light. It might be demeaning for you, but not for your wife. It is time for amending the decades’ old theories that state that parents’ are always right. Do not brush away your wife’s pain. If you are not listening to her, do not get upset if she talks to her mother or brothers. Most of the time, the troubles are because people try to answer their own questions without even giving an ear to the others’ point of view. “Maine toh waise hi kaha tha. Itni badi to baat bhi nahi thi. Rai ka Pahad bana diya, teri wife ne. (I just said it casually. Was it that big? Your wife made a mountain out of a molehill.)” If something has been said by someone, there has to be a meaning. The challenge is – finding out the real meanings and exposing the culprit, who so ever it is. “Sit and talk” and one who is not ready for this, “just skip that person.” One last golden rule – Tell your mother and mother-in-law – not to interfere in your matters with your wife.