Every one of us must have been to the cremation ground at least once in their life. The tragic environment, the sobbing siblings, and last prayers; no one wants to be there.
However, the truth is, we all belong to that place; a place that is going to be our final destination. I might be talking crap, but this is the place from where you can learn the secrets of life. Last weekend, unfortunately, I got a chance of attending last prayers of one of my friends’ grandfather; he was 95 and was bed-ridden since 2013. I have seen his grandfather literally begging for death, but! Well, now that he is no more with us, I would like to share a few thoughts of him that he shared with me and my friend a day before his journey to heaven.
This first among various secrets of life Dear Son! Solve all conflicts before you leave. The secret lies not in having no conflicts, but in them solved as soon as possible. He then told us that at this phase of his age, he now wants to settle all the conflicts. He said he has a lot of regrets that he wants to admit. At this time, he is seeing a flashback of his life and in his flashback he is seeing all those people whom he hurt. He said it seems like they all are standing between his death and life and they are not letting him die as they want him to apologies for every wrong word he said. His voice was trembling and he reached his grandson’s hand, “Sam, please tell your mother that I am sorry for every wrong word that I have said to your father about your mother; she is a nice woman and perfect daughter-in-law.” I saw his granddad; folded hands and eyes seeking forgiveness.
Second thing, he told us was – we should learn how to find maximum contentment with less is the secret to having more. I saw him quitting all those fancy food and when I asked his granddad, he said, “people will put their taste-buds on rest once they know that they are going to leave.” Although throughout life, we have been told to live a simple life, but we understand the real reasons only at the final days of our life. He further added a simple life can be achieved by spending less. We spend more to accumulate more and thus create more need.
Next secret he shared – learn to see the good in people and focus on their positive side. He said that every person has shades of a good man and bad man. Instead, rejecting “bad” people from the very beginning, we must find good traits in him and we must only reject the bad traits of him. But, we do the other way around and feel sorrow when we had an encounter with their negative sides. However, if you focus on their good traits, you will love to spend your time knowing him better or maybe even loving them. He was sharing the secrets of life and we duo were watching him fighting for his life.
The next thing that he shared was awesome and I must say, this little secret solved my many queries. He said when you are not in denial of a problem, you have the power to find a solution. Most people, instead accept things, prefer to avoid. This constant denial of accepting realities cause us emotions that are extremely dangerous. Only when you accept the situation, you become free to decide what to do about them. He said that indifference, avoidance, and denials are the main reasons behind anxiety. To him, the secret of life is in acceptance and not contradicting.
His grandfather then talked about his false pride of caste and creed. He said he lived a life where he was so proud of his higher-caste (Indian Caste System) and he always degraded others for their castes. But, at this stage of his life, he admits that life would have been difficult if the doctors have treated him the way the way he had treated people. Now that I am about to die, I must tell you that should I have allowed the ‘massage man’ to touch me, I would have saved me from the pain that I am now going to die with. Dear son, life will be much easier, should you treat everyone equally.
He further talked about the broken relationship as another major secret among other secrets of life. He said, do not break ties with people; break ties with the thoughts that forced you to break a relationship with that person. Rarely you can distance the people you loved or you are attached to someone in a certain way. However, in any relationship, along the way, some mismatches ideologies make people stop communicating. But, that does not mean you are any longer in connection with that person. It simply means that you are no longer associated with a dominant thought of that person. In a nutshell, don’t give up on a person, but give up on his ideas that are not matching yours.
Many people start donating or do charity towards the end of their life because death is not easy for them. In their suffering, they begin to empathize with the suffering of others. But, this is not the way. It is more likely preparing for your final exam at the last moment. When it is about your life, you don’t know what day is going to be your last day. So, if you think a few bucks’ donation or prayers in the final days can save you from the bad karma that you have accumulated throughout your life after looting and hurting countless people, you are wrong. It is about balance-sheet and you have to settle your scores here only before you leave.
His final words were – it is your karma and there is no escape. Should you not do good karma now, you can be sure about the pain at the end of your life and even after the reincarnation (if you believe in one).