Most of the marriages fail because most of the couples have no answer to some basic questions. And, generally, people don’t ask such questions before marriage.
Having some fears, doubts, and uncertainties regarding marriage is very common. I have seen many people visiting marriage counselors after marriage, when they are left with no option, but divorce. However, I would like to emphasize on premarital counselling. Here I am going to talk about a few questions that you should ask your partner before marriage.
Clarity about a few things is very important, especially when you are planning about a long-term relationship. It is important to be honest with yourself and your emotional availability.
You need to understand that marriage is an important commitment and therefore requires a period of adaptation. If you are ready mentally, emotionally and spiritually about sharing your life with someone, then only, you should go for it.
1What are your expectations?
This is the first question that you should ask your prospective partner. The first thing to be established is the purpose of marriage. As a couple, you both must have an accurate answer for, why you getting married?
Actually, answer to this is directly associated with a sense of security. Trust me, if your decision for marriage is based on physical attraction and lifestyle, you are surely going to regret afterwards. These two things do play an important role, but they cannot be the only reasons for getting married. So, have a healthy conversation about your expectations. This way, you can learn a lot about your partner’s mindset.
2Do you want children?
This is second reason behind many disturbed marriages. Most of the couples are very much concerned about their career. To them, having a baby means putting a period on their growth chart.
Neither I am against the love for career nor I am supporting the idea of not having babies at right time. How are they going to maintain the balance between their personal and professional life?
As a couple, you and your partner must understand that for a child to develop, it is not only about food or clothes. There is a lot more; it takes more energy and time for nurturing an emotionally developed baby. And it’s better to clear these things in advance that how you will do?
3What kinda mindset your partner have?
I don’t need to tell you that communication plays an important role. To do this, you need to cook a riddle. The purpose is to check your partner’s behavior for that. Your partner’s answer to this query will tell you a lot about his attitude towards life. Through his answer you will get to learn whether he is a pessimist or an optimist.
By this answer, you will be able to learn about his presence of mind and how he will treat you in the times of adversities. In case of any doubts about your partner’s response, you can always ask your family members.
4Who is going to lead family matters?
Now, this ones very important. I have seen many couples arguing over financial matters like who is going to take care of finance at home and how family is supposed to meet its financial needs. This is a major reason behind family separations.
Before forming a relationship, it is better to talk about finances. I am not asking you to ask about your prospective partner’s bank details. The best thing is, to have a discussion about who is going to head the financial matters.
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5Who is going to compromise and on what?
Now, this is a major one. Who is going to lead the company? On a funnier note, a car is not going to reach anywhere, if driven by two drivers in opposite directions. My point is, in a marital relationship, compromises at certain points become very important. I am not supporting the idea of slavery and dominance. However, it is good for an army to have orders and instructions from one captain. No confusion.
Asking these questions can sort out a lot of things and can help you selecting a right partner. Trust me, when a marital relationship does not live up to the expectations for any of the above mentioned reasons, it becomes very hard to handle the frustration.