I Want Her To Be My Best Friend After Break-Up. Please Advice.

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I recently broke up with my girlfriend who is my close friend as well. We are friends for 5 years. I left her because of my family circumstances and now marrying a new girl.

But I don’t want to lose my best friend, I want her in my whole life as my best friend.
But she started hating me like hell. I didn’t have any intention of betraying her.
I want her as my best friend in my life, I don’t want to lose this person.

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Dear Satish,

This is called life. Whether we have taken the right decision or wrong, we only get to know once we meet situations. Instead of feeling guilty, we must learn to respect our decisions before we can expect anyone else to do so.

Now, that you are already engaged with someone, I must say, please do not cancel your marriage. This way, you will be breaking another heart for no reason. She is at no fault. And, you know, how Indian society takes a girl after this incident.

I must suggest – you should respect your engagement. Otherwise, you will be representing yourself as a “man-with-no-stand.”

You have already opted for your family. And, to an extent, I respect your decision. Now, by canceling your marriage, you will again put them to shame.

As far as, your relationship with that girl is concerned, there is already a crack that is going to remain there. Ask yourself, even if you get to marry your girlfriend, how will you deal with your parents’ rejection (if they refused to accept her even after marriage)? Isn’t it going to cause troubles?

I guess, the family is your priority and going to remain your priority. Dear Satish, time is a big healer. Eventually, you will manage to forget her. But, you won’t be able to forget your family. Will you?

Now, instead of feeling guilty, you must accept your “would-wife” with 100% loyalty.

I won’t suggest you shift your office or quit your job from that place because you cannot face your ex. Just try to ignore a bit and busy yourself. Limit your interaction and keep it 100% professional. You must not discuss the would-be wife with any of your office or common-friends.

Try not to take calls of your would-wife, when your girlfriend is near because the more your girlfriend sees your interaction with your would-wife, the more she is going to feel betrayed. And, until a certain time, her discomforts are going to disturb you, as well. Allow her sometime. Do not run away and do not add insult to the injury.

Most importantly, once your would-wife is in your confidence, please share about your ex. And, above all, stop feeling guilty.

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satish (anonymous) 0 Comments

Thank you Sukhdeep ji.
you are right, I’m the only reason for this. I’m feeling I have taken a wrong decision. I’m in guilty now. I got engaged with some other girl just becuase of family. I did not have courage to face family, I’m in depression mode now. we both work in same office, everyday i have to see her. That is causing more pain. I’m not able to forget her.
And now sometimes i’m feeling like i want to cancel marriage. dont know I’m in big dilemma

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satish (anonymous) 0 Comments

Thank you Sukhdeep ji.
you are right, I’m the only reason for this. I’m feeling I have taken a wrong decision. I’m in guilty now. I got engaged with some other girl just becuase of family. I did not have courage to face family, I’m in depression mode now. we both work in same office, everyday i have to see her. That is causing more pain. I’m not able to forget her.
And now sometimes i’m feeling like i want to cancel marriage. dont know I’m in big dilemma

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Dear Satish,

Breakups are painful, but this pain becomes worse when you have to break up with your best friend and that too after spending several years of togetherness as friends-cum- couple.

Is your reason valid

Breaking up because of family circumstances, caste problem, or economic status is very common. And, to an extent, we are fully aware of these even before forming a relationship. Therefore, practically, blaming these reasons for breaking up is not right.

She is hating you

Dear Satish, she is hating you right. And, you are the only reason behind it. She is feeling like, you used her. After 5 years of friendship and love, by breaking up, you are treating her like an option. Although you are not intending to cheat her, yet, in a different way, you are cheating her. She is feeling betrayed.

Try putting yourself in her shoe?

You want to be friend with her

Lovers cannot be friends. So, is true in your case. Look at the broader side of this demand.

Friends can be lovers, but lovers cannot be friends. I personally believe, if two past lovers can remain just friends, its either they are still in love, or never were.

My dear friend, it is not going to be easy for you to forget the good times you spent with her until she is around. Don’t you think?

This demand of yours is going spoil several lives – yours, your wife’s, your parents’, your friend’s, her parents’, her in-laws (after her marriage), and her husband’s. In addition, this is going to ruin not only your married life but her too (after her marriage). Can you feel the disaster, you are asking for?

So, what is the solution?

You have two solutions.

  1. Marry her
  2. Forget her

I can see, marrying is not a solution you can go for. So, you need to work around the second option; forget her. Doing that is not going to be easy, but you have to make it happen for the betterment of everyone. To do so –

  1. Be prepared to be hated. You cannot ignore her like this. You have to face her hate until she is calm.
  2. Keep your communication lines open until she is calm. Should you ignore her, you will increase troubles for yourself.
  3. Stop yourself from visiting those places where you had spent quality time.
  4. Do not try to meet her.
  5. This is not the right time for jealousy card. Because she is yet not ready, for accepting you as a husband of someone else.
  6. Stop telling others about your relationship with her.

Most importantly, postpone your marriage until everything settles down. Stop spreading your wedding news because this is going to make her feel that you used her as a toy. And, now that you are fed up with her, you have decided to give up on her and buying a new toy.  

Everything depends upon your emotional capabilities. You need to act more maturely. And, stop begging for her friendship.

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