I am married since 8 years. I have a baby boy after 7 years he is 1 now. I am not happy in my life only due to my husbands behavior. I wanted to get divorce in early years but this Indian society never let me to do so. My husband is never interested in getting physical with me; you can say once or twice in 6 months or once in a year. I have killed all my desires only due to him. In between I got indulged with my friend. I am happy with him but problem is that I am married and he is unmarried. I wont get married to him. I just need to know what to do? I am not at all happy with my husband. My husband never use to give me any gifts no emotional attachment all the time he is busy in playing games. I m very depressed.
After reading your scenario. I can sense the velocity of confusions you are going through, my friend. I know how it feels to be at the crossroad of your life. One wrong move and you are done. Lifetime regrets.
What is right, what is wrong, when to stay within the boundaries or when it is okay to cross our limits; everything is about our mindset. We Conceive what we perceive. Let us deal with your confusion, one by one.
Confusion 1 - Society Matters or Not?
You said, you always wanted to have a divorce from your husband. Somehow, just because of Indian society, you faced it for 8 long years. So, you are already telling me that (for you) the opinions of the society matter and you are concerned about the what people will say. In such a scenario, I hope you do know, what is Indian society’s take on extra-marital affairs? Don’t you? You are asking this question because you know this is going to hurt a few people who you really love. And, they are never going to accept it. Just imagine, how they will react or how will you face them, once they get to know about this.
Confusion 2 - You Husband's Behavior
You said, your husband is not romantic, at all. Honestly and frankly speaking, I don’t see any problem here. This could be because of several reasons. Here are a few of them.
Reason 1 – Person’s Nature
Kissing your wife on daily basis has nothing to do with trust, love, and affection. Ask yourself, how many times have you seen your mom/ dad or mom/dad-in-laws doing this? All I am saying is, for a few people, this is not an acceptable way of showing affection. Imagine, you have an elder brother, who is married. Do you think, he can kiss you as a sister? I highly doubt. But, still, he shows his affection in other ways. Kissing or giving gifts is not every one’s cup of tea. Maybe, this kind of stuff is childish according to your husband.
Reason – 2 – Age Difference or family background
After a certain age, people start behaving differently. If your husband is not giving you gifts, not into that lovebirds’ talk or against that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, it must be because of his age or the way he was nurtured. He never had such an environment, where these things are known as affection. In broader terms, for a few people, this is something they call maturity.
Reason 3 – A Past Mistake
Another possible reason behind his such behavior is a past mistake (within your relationship) that made him change his ideology about you. That could be anything like sharing your family secrets with your parents even after his objection. And, he lost his interest in you.
Do I really need to tell you about the consequence of extra-marital affairs?
You must understand that you are not only playing with your but with your kid’s future, as well.
I must tell you, the kind of happiness you are enjoying with your friend is not going to last for long. After his marriage, you have to leave him. Or, you will be spoiling several lives; yours, your husband’s, your kids, your friends’ and his wife’s. Do you think, this is going to make you happy? Don’t you think, this is short-term happiness?
Answer yourself; once your friend is gone, what will you do?
Answer yourself, what if your family figured out about this unethical relationship of yours? I think this is going to bring a stigma. And, in the society, you won’t be able to face it. You know, how Indian society is when it is about a woman left because of an extra-marital affair.
Is an extramarital affair right or wrong?
Well, I guess, you already know the answer because that is why you are asking. “Anything in excess is bad.” And, extra-martial is already having an “extra” added to it.
You have to explore the possible reasons. Before doing anything that is not right, you must try to explore what went wrong. Try to resolve it, instead of making it more complicated for you. Talk to your husband or someone who can mediate between you and your husband. Communication is the key, my friend. Don’t just assume things. When we have dust is in our eyes, wiping our sunglasses is not going to give us a clear view. It is better to wash our eyes. My dear friend, I am not saying you are the only culprit. However, you must look for the reasons and consequences.