Poor & HotchPotch Parenting A Mishmash of Parenting Ideologies

Hotchpotch Parenting – A Mishmash of Parenting Ideologies
Hotchpotch Parenting – A Mishmash of Parenting Ideologies
Photo Credit: Sunil. K
Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

“What you are doing is not right. I am telling you, dear wife. Oh really! I feel the same for your ideas of parenting, dear hubby.” Oh, Come on! Will you guy lets me know whom I am going to follow, dear parents?”

Hope you got an idea about what I am going to talk here. Yes! It is the mishmash of parenting ideologies. I have seen a lot of cases where kids are made to suffer because of their parents’ ego and stubbornness about their parenting strategies. What is right according to the husband, is a blunder in the eyes of wife and in between these two twisted brains, it is poor kid’s future. The primary reason behind this nuisance is – “I am right and you are wrong.” Instead, shaping baby’s future with right skills, we start imposing those methods that we were grown up with. Quite an illogical thing. How do you expect a car to move, if the car is having two steering, front, and rear positions?

“Let these kids touch the sky. Because after reading two-three books, they are going to be one of us.”

We must understand that growing up a kid is not a competition that we have to win like other domestic arguments. Trust me, there is no definite procedure of parenting that can ensure the complete growth of your kid. But, a confused child is going to reach nowhere. There is a thin line between – making someone learn your things and making someone follow your things. In the prior environment, parents allow their kid to learn things in any way possible, but under their supervision. There are no restrictions imposed on the kid and the kid is given a free access to everything. This parenting ideology aims at blessing a child with confidence, but in some cases, this becomes a reason behind over-confidence. In the latter environment, there is a prescribed and designed set of principles that a kid has to follow as in doctor’s order. In such cases, you may be successful in teaching your kid how to live a disciplined life, but for sure you will be killing his innocence. Don’t you?

The situation for a kid becomes worse when his parents are confused; one of them is advocating environment one (wish to teach him things the way the kid wants) and the other one is emphasizing on environment two (wants his kid to follow already prescribed rules). In such a scenario, both the mother and father, try their level best to win the situation without even worrying about the end results. I have witnessed a number of similar cases, where I have seen couples fighting for their kids. “You are making him a disobedient kid as you are giving him maximum freedom. It is your fault that he is not listening to me now. I am really worried about his future because you gave him a free hand to do things as he wants and now he is doing nothing, but fun. I was right with my decision of sending him to boarding. Now, you are not supposed to utter a word, as I am going to be his in-charge. Listen kid, I don’t want to know what you want to be, but from now onward, should you not be listening to me, I will throw you out of this place.” Perhaps, this is a story of every second house. But, I don’t think so that is the solution.

If one parent is imposing his term and another one is opening a secret door for him for his escape, kid is going to use both; he will skip, but with a fear of being caught. As the time pass, the kid is going to misuse this difference between parents for his personal benefits. His inclination for one parent is sure and for his other parent, he is going to develop negative feelings. As he knows that his one parent will buy him an escape, he will be least bothered about his other parent. These all differences are going to widen the gap between parents; husband and wife. These little clashes between husband and wife because of their kid are then going to be a reason behind the bitterness in their relationship. At the end, this mishmash of parenting ideologies are not going to result in anything, but a wayward kid and disturbed parents.

Do you think the authoritarian style of parenting is good or permissive style? Let me tell you, both of these parenting skills have their own plus and minus. Too much freedom where to help your child to grow up with the abilities to think out of the box like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg. At the end, they will be the master of their own destiny and not the blind followers. Not to forget, kids who are allowed to learn things as they want to, live a much happier life than those who are asked to follow things. But, at the same time, if you are not pushing and limiting your kids; you cannot overlook the chance of them going on the wrong track. On the other side, in the case of authoritarian style, where kids are asked to follow the things, cases of them being a psychological victim are higher. The kids grown up in such environment are tend not to do well in forming their own ideas about things and throughout their life they live with a subservient attitude. Kids brought up in such environment are noticed to be the one with high suicidal tendencies. So, what is the solution?

Instead, choosing one from these two extremes ideologies, it is better to use both times to time. You as a parent need to know how to have a balance. This balance depends upon on many things like – personality of your child, values that you want to put in action for his future, happiness, and most importantly, his success. Do not give him a goal that pleases you, but allow your kid to choose something that he loves. Show you affection at both stages, be it a win or lose because an imbalance here is going to give him a lifetime confusion and psychological problem. Never compare you child with others because every child is unique. Do not miss to nurture your child with all doses – emotional, social, intellectual, physical and financial.

Last, but not least, children who are nourished with a well-balanced parenting strategy are the one with a sense of life.