No bullshit, but I was an average looking guy. I won’t lie and as this is going to be my confession as a one-sided lover, I would try my level best to not to represent myself as a cool hunk. At least, today, on the 18th anniversary of my lifetime’s stupidity, I feel no hesitation in saying this. Once upon a time, I was an idiot.
One-sided love is a crazy thing and one who had experienced it, only they can understand what am I talking about. In my opinion, this whole idea of one-sided love that compels you to love a human with a false hope that one day you will be loved back is nothing more than the stupidest idea. But, at the same time, we all have to go through that phase of life, where we really enjoy doing these kinds of stupid things. And, the best part is – we sense no stupidity in these.
I was a one-sided lover too, who was love with a girl living a few blocks ahead. Though I was bold enough to take random fights on the street for her, I was not courageous enough to express my love. It all started when I was in school and lasted until I was made to express my feeling in words. My idea of one-sided love was wrong.
Other than the bus-stops, we used to meet in the community functions. As I said, I was an average looking person, I always used to stay at a distance from her. In her case, I was very much concerned about my reputation. I always wanted her to see me as a good guy. However, the reality was different. Right from the school-days, I was favored by many local politicians and I had earned myself a name among local goons. Be it a school election or college, for me, it was easy.
On the other hand, she was studious, gold-medalist kinda student. As our parents were family friends, my parents always used to compare my academic performance with her. Instead of hating her for those comparisons, I eventually started dreaming her as my partner.
I was so in love with her that just to have a glance at her, I used to travel an additional kilometer every time I was asked to go to the market or nearest departmental store. Most of the time, I get to see her on the balcony with books.
I don’t know why, but I don’t want her to notice me while checking her. At the same time, any accidental eye-contact used to give me goosebumps. Out of courtesy, she used to smile at me and like any other one-sided lover, I used to decode that smile as a token of love for me.
These casual smiles were nothing less than a confirmation for me. And, I crowned myself as a protector for her. I started chasing her in an invisible mode so that she cannot notice me around her. By now, I was already assuming her my girlfriend and the worst part was – till now, there was no legitimate confirmation from her side.
As the time passed, my love for her turned into possessiveness. Like any other psycho lover, I started blocking her way. Regardless of my career, marrying her was the only aim of my life. There comes a time, when she joined the best engineering college in the town and I was left with no other option than joining a government college and that too for humanities.
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As she was really good-looking and scholar kinda a girl, a lot of handsome and wealthy guys started following her. Every second day, I used to pick a fight with random guys, for chasing her. Be it a college youth festival or any other event, I never missed a chance of buying some political recommendations for her. Although she was competent enough, for me, seeing her winning the trophy was nothing less than winning the same trophy for self.
After passing college, I actively involved myself in politics. One day, I get to know that she went for an interview, where a representative tried to molest her. I used my connections again. I got that man out and my lady in.
In elections, the whole society witnessed how local politicians with top police officials and pilot jeeps started visiting me for youth vote bank. This made me feel like a powerful person.
Society, in which my reputation was nothing more than an average looking guy with low academic grade, suddenly became a celebrity. I saw her witnessing these incidents from her window. She was kinda surprised at my reality, like other society members.
After that day, I noticed a change in her. A girl who never hesitated from me and never expressed any discomfort about my presence now was trying to hide. This habit of her started troubling me. So, I decided to confess my love.
Elections were all gone and the party I supported lost elections. It was more or less like a political downfall for me. Opposition members were trying their level best to cut all my financial and political support.
I saw everyone leaving me including the party members. For the first time in last six years, I felt like I am an unwanted person. But, at any cost, I was not ready to lose the love of my life. So, I made my mind to say it all.
After trying for many weeks, one fine day, when she was going to work, I stopped her and expressed my feelings that I was hauling with me since last six years. It was not easy for me, but I expressed. I told her everything from the beginning of my love to my last fight that I had for her. She was in deep shock.
After listening to my version of one-sided love, she replied, “I believe in a marriage arranged by my family and I don’t think so, they are never going to marry me with a guy, who is jobless and hopeless.”
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With these few words, she left the sight. And, I was enjoying the flashback of all those years that I intentionally wasted loving her.
Later that year, my parents received a wedding invitation. She was getting married to a software engineer in Australia.
I recollected myself and started taxi services. Being society friends, her parents hired me to drop her at the International Airport. She was flying to Australia and me was loading her luggage on the top shelf of my Jeep.
That was the day when I buried her memories. No more connection. I pushed myself into the business and I am doing good now.
After 12 years of that incident, last week, I met her again in a community function. I saw her arguing with a fully drunk man; her husband. I asked a friend of mine and he told me that a few years her husband was deported to India for some legal reasons. His passport was blacklisted. She is fighting for her divorce and baby’s custody now.
She saw me and she waved at me. “How are you doing?” She asked me.
“I am perfectly fine,” I replied. Before she could say anything, I introduced her to my wife and daughter. While we were talking, a security guard approached my wife, “mam, should I park the car, if you are intending to stay for some time?”
This time, she was again in a deep shock. She never assumed that I am ever going to get married a class-one government officer.
Despite trying a lot to show some sympathy for her, I failed. I was left with no feeling for her and honestly, I was not feeling sorry for her too.
All I want to say in the end is – one should never feel sad, if the person you love, never loves you back. Do keep in mind that love is a one-sided emotion and there is no such thing called two-sided.