“Frustration everywhere.” Be it the highways, offices, shopping centers, customer care executives; seems like some sort of war is going on.
We are living in a society where everyone is seeking one single chance of shouting and fighting with other. No denials, conflicts have become a part of our relationships these days. But, the worst case is domestic violence and especially when you toddlers are around.
Give it a second thought, you are fighting with your wife and you beloved kid with sorrowful eyes, looks like he wants to scream out, “for God sake, please stop fighting like dogs, and please do not scare the hell out of me.” The question here is, “is it okay if we fight in front of our kids?”
Take this questions to an oldie, “No problems at all in this. They do see parents patching up after a fight. One day they will be repeating the same.” But, current studies and research reports are telling a completely different story.
According to recent developments in neurological research, “as soon as the kid hear their parents yelling at each other, their stress hormones shoot up.”
The findings claim that “even if your are arguing when your kid is sleeping, your loud voices are going to hurt them and they may have an encounter with a rush of stress chemicals.”
For a kid, parents mean a sense of security and when your child see you arguing like you are going to kill each other anytime sooner, the world will be the scariest place for him/her. It is not only you guys who feel restless after an argument.
Even your kid won’t be able to sleep well because this rush of stress chemical stays for rather longer duration (for hours). I am strongly not favoring, “no more discussions in front of your kids.” Instead, we need to workout for healthy solutions. Let me share a few.
Losing control is no big deal though we need to learn how not to. Once you do, you need to accept it. “My bad. I am sorry for behaving like this.”
When your kid sees you regretting your emotions, this will for sure help him to learn that anyone can get angry but then one must take full responsibility for his actions. An apology must come. This will for sure make him a better human being.
Both of you (husband and wife) need to learn how not to drag something to the worst level. A discussion is a good thing. When you kid see you discussing, he will learn that difference in opinions is perfectly alright, even if two people are living together for years.
The moment you realize that it is now heating up, wind it up on a positive note in an (an artificial) humor manner. Let you kid learn that no matter how tough the debate was, but good people always try to find out a positive way of sorting it out.
Just Hug It
We all get mad at a point or another. However, the moment you feel like yelling, skip from the side and try to calm yourself down.
Come back and approach your partner with a hug in front of your kid. This will make him understand that even we are mad at each other, but we still love.
These practices need a lot of practice. Before you can master these, please work on other things associated with your language, body language, choice of words, choice of actions etc. The children are damn good observers.
Should you abuse and disrespect your partner in front of them, they tend to replicate the same. No wonder, if they mimic your fight sequences in a social gathering.