In Indian civilization, no matter how a person’s own facial appearance is, the partner should be a good looking one.
The other day I had a call from one of my friends. And, honestly speaking, with not so good enthusiasm, I offered an ear. I was expecting some kind of financial assistance, but his problem was something else. He continued. “Last month, I met a girl with my parents; it was a meeting for marriage. Initially, I really liked her and both the families were happy. But, last week, she visited me. My grandmother noticed that the girl is suffering from vitiligo, a disorder in which white patches of skin appear on different parts of the body. On my granny’s question, she said, “this is curable and having her treatment.” But, after talking to a family friend, who is also a Dermatologist, my parents want me to quit. Now, I am confused, is marrying someone physically unattractive okay or not?
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It was shocking for me to learn that a person whom I always took as an intelligent, intellectual, and kind hearted person, is talking like this. However, denying factual reality is also not a way-out. Regardless of theories like “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,” in practical terms, arriving at a decision to marry someone physically unattractive is not an easy thing. But, he is a friend, so I have to do something in his best interest.
Finally, I replied to him.
Buddy! The best thing I can suggest you is – stick to your real character and be the true you. Changing your thoughts because someone told you to do so, is not the right solution. It is a question of your life and not anyone else’s.
Philosophies are good, but not everyone can implement them in their life. What is the fun of doing something that you are going to regret throughout your life afterward? Ask yourself, are you really capable of introducing a big change in your thoughts, or you just want to pretend. What if you marry that girl for some unexplained reason and later you fall into an affair with a beautiful girl?
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It is about finding answers within yourself. What you want or think is more important than what others want. Looks dissipate and so does the love based on looks. No good use of doing anything that you are not mentally prepared for.
In my personal experience, the attraction because of looks is something that lasts for a few months or years. Be it your shirt, car, house, or person, with the passage of time, you start losing interest in that particular thing. Remember how you used to wash your bike in the early days, but once you bought your car, you never looked at your bike. The craze is all gone.
This is a behavioral situation, my friend. You are confusing your mentality issues with problems. You need to learn the techniques of controlling your thoughts and actions. This is only possible after you know how to differentiate your problems and your mentality parameters. You can have solutions for your problems, but amending your mentality parameters is very hard.
I would suggest you go for cognitive behavioral therapy. Under this therapy, you learn to deal with your problems in a different, but the right way. It is like seeing the positive side of the issues. You need to learn how to control your thoughts and actions. Go for this and see if it can help you.