Do you know anything about the terms ‘Hypergamy and Hypogamy’ used in social science in the context of marriage?
Let me solve this complex equation for you. Marrying a man with higher caste or social status than yours, it is hypergamy and the inverse of the same (marrying a man of lower social class or status) is Hypogamy. No doubt, be it Asian civilizations or western, marrying someone one with upper social and economic status is mostly preferred, whereas incidents of marrying someone from a lower social class are very rare; mostly in the cases of blind love marriages.
Comparison is the Death of joy.
My point is – why ‘social and economic status’ attracts the immediate attention of parties (parents and in-laws) before forming any social relationship? Dare to reject the theories claiming, “social and economic inequality between partners and their families as one among the other top reasons behind soaring numbers of divorces.”
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Marrying someone from a lower social class than yours, hardly works. Undeniably, there are only a few happy married couples that you give an example of, who are living happily, despite such inequalities.
In the case of marrying someone with lower social class, one argument about inequality can bring a relation to an end. Marrying beneath you, works in few cases only.
Personality and social psychology plays the role when it is about relationships. Spending a few hundred bucks thoughtlessly on an ostrich, oysters, expensive steaks might not be a big deal for someone from an elite class, but a person with low social and economic status will consider it as complete wastage.
Marrying a person from a lower social class means marrying someone with a completely different psychology and ideology.
In this sort of situation, there are only two possible reactions – going out of control or a consistent struggle between two different psychologies; there will be endless efforts of coping up with things.
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Most of the time, I have seen people becoming restless about the things they have never experienced earlier. Only a few cases of the second scenario, i.e. self-amendments.
It is easy to cry on a BMW than to smile on a bicycle, they say.
It is not only the husband-wife that has to face the heat of social and economic status mismatch, but families involved also suffer. The survival of this kinda relationship depends upon the level of alternation that parties involved are ready to consider.
Practically speaking, for a few of us, society means a lot. Ignoring society and its rules for a certain time, just to keep the relation moving, may work. And, this is nothing more than a temporary superficial remedy. But, changing the mindset that we are grown up, is no way an easy task.
I have seen many lovebirds marrying to someone with no nest at all. And, after sometime, with every sunrise, they cry for their blunder mistake; once upon a time, I married someone from a lower social class.
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Trust me, marrying someone from a lower social class is an open invitation to countless tensions that you have to deal with on daily basis. And, the worst part is, you don’t know how your partner is going to react to a particular situation. For example – people, who grew up with the conditions like variable income and uncertain future, they have a complete different approach for life than those who are born with gold spoon in their mouth.
I am not saying that marrying someone with equal social-economic status is an assurance of happy marriage. There are several cases where people do marry each other despite their social-economic status and they are happy.
The three key elements behind the success of such marriages are – patience, no ego, and compromises. In such relationships, both the couple and their family members are way above this ‘ego’ crap. To them, family comes first, then comes the society. In such couples, compromises are from both sides and they never give up on patience.