The time between engagement and marriage is considered good. But, a few say, this can increase the stress even before the formation of a relationship. And, in worst cases, it can be disastrous. Today, I would like to share the experience of one of my friend, Rajan.
My name is Rajan. Despite being a legal advisory of the company who is always busy with discussion, when I met my would-wife for the first time, I was completely out of questions.
Suddenly, I realized that I am the only speaker of my institution. Thus, I dared. “Are you happy with this methodology of getting married?” I was half- prepared for a no.
But, WTF. Instead of refusing, she asked me to say no and it would be better if we can have time between engagement and marriage. And, on top of this, she insisted me to buy this time as she cannot ask her parents for the same.
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So, I took whole responsibility and asked my parents that I am fine with the girl, but I need a little more time. How about not getting married at least before six months.” Initially, my parents were not in the favor. But, then they agreed.
After that day, I made two new friends. “A tea seller and a mango tree.” I changed my mobile plan from minimum rental to maximum rental with 4G calling. Every afternoon, I used to spend at least 70% of my lunchtime on phone.
Nor I was not convincing any foreign client, neither I was talking about marketing trends, but for the first time in last 30 years, I was telling someone, what I had for lunch. I was convincing someone about my plans of breaking stars for her.
Days were passing and judgment day was approaching. After traveling the whole galaxy through phone, and after having endless parliamentary discussions whole night, finally, we both were back on this planet.
We had so many arguments during those five months; arguments about what one should not wear, what one should not eat, how my parents are superior to yours, how disciplined I am, how strict I am, how hard-working and moneymaker I am and so on. Well, I was more like an open book to her and I have explained to her every single trait of my nature.
I got a friend, who used to suggest me, “not to share so much and be a good listener.” He used to tell me, “you think you are defining yourself. No, you are guiding her, how much refining you need.”
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And, before being a lifetime partner, she will be completely aware of all your habits, emotional pullbacks, things that make you happy. You have already explained to her about how she can use those triggers, as and when required (to get her things done).
Ah! that makes no sense. I am the strong guy and she cannot use me. I have just explained my parameters and boundaries.
But, I was wrong and that guy was right. That demand of time between engagement and marriage was pre-planned (the six months’ gap).
As the date for the marriage approached nearby, the demands of useless things started arising from my wife and her family members.
At the time of engagement, I told him that I would like to be with my parents after marriage to which his family agreed. But just a month before the marriage, my father-in-law told me that he does not want his daughter to migrate to another city. Several times, he indirectly suggested me to buy a house near their hometown.
I was shocked by my would-be wife’s interest in my financial information. There was an incidence when I was unable to talk to her (the way I used to) for a few days because I was busy in finalizing a land deal. To calm her anger, I told him that we bought a piece of land and I was the one doing all legal formalities. I was stunned when she started asking for to have her name in the land deed.
Day by day, she and her family members were becoming more demanding. And, upon my refusal for not sharing information, they start threatening us that they will cancel the engagement. My parents did not want this relationship to be spoiled because this break-up was not going to cost us financially, but mentally, as well.
That was the time when I cursed myself for not accepting my friend’s suggestion. I was repenting on my decision of accepting my would-be wife’s request of that time gap. An advise that was initially useless for me, is now making perfect sense.
People are right that there should not be a gap between engagement and marriage. But, if for some reason they have to have a gap, then I would advise one must not behave like an open book. Instead of weaving stories and telling how big idiot you are, you should listen to your partner.
If you want the best thing, try to listen more. When it comes to economic, social and future related questions, one must answer those with maturity. Instead of reacting like a kid or teen, one must stay calm. If you want to understand the mentality of someone, you need to listen to him.