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Love Me The Way I am – Don’t try to change me!

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Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

If you really respect me and want us to be happy, love me as I am and not try to change me.

Why do marriages fail or why do a few relationships prove to be a bad experience? If asked, we all will be pulling out our dices and then, there will be hours’ long sessions of blame-game; a game, where contenders will do everything possible, just to keep the ‘dice of blame’ in the rotation. Despite, being aware of realities, we behave like, we are the only sufferers and the person on the other end is not giving a damn. The one who is going to play the villain, we are least concerned about him/her. Our complete focus remains on presenting ourselves as a hero of our own script. But, reality is completely different. In most of our relationships, we unconsciously want to change the person we have in front of us and that is when we mix the bitterness in our relationships.

I have seen people fighting over for petty issues and I have seen them exposing each other on busy highways. People sometimes get so mad that the behave like foes; like they are never going to see each other, although they know, legal separation is not the solution they want to go for. These sorts of clashes occur mainly in the couple relationships, where both of them want their partner to change systematically according to their ‘unfathomable’ expectations. But, have you ever thought that the person in front of you perhaps want to say, “accept me the way I am and not as you would like me to be.

“Let me be me because once I change you will miss me in me. “

Respect is not something that you need to ask for because it is earned; same is the case with love. If you are begging for it, make yourself comfortable with the fact – you are not being loved. The root cause of all relationship trouble is – after accepting someone, we find it is really hard to love that person with all their defects and qualities. We all are imperfect and we know, we are helpless with our imperfections. Instead, accepting them, we all keep trying molding ourselves. In the case of a relationship, it is always our partner whom we see with an immediate and urgent need of modification. But, should we not try to impose those options/changeovers on our partners and learn to ignore those flaws to the extent possible, we can then expect better results. After, who wants to change? Do you?

Believe it or not, but we are all unique. We all have that little something, which makes us special and different from others. “I won’t be changing myself for anyone and for any reason.” Ask yourself, would you be buying any criticism? Should you be making any change in you, if told? No offense, but any such demands are often ignored. Do keep this in mind, if a person wants to change you, this means that he/she is not really appreciating you for true you. Now, what will happen if you agree to take those changes on you? Things will become worse.

When you start changing yourself according to the person you love, you will start feeling like you are his/her puppet, a disjointed puppet, and this is not going to make you happy. The secret behind a healthy relationship is that people with whom you are going to share your life with must accept you as you are, without wanting to change what characterizes you. One need to understand that once we allow people to make changes in our lives, we surrender our originality and we turn into the people that we never were. We should always defend our identity. Someone finds it is easy to change us because we allowed them to change.

Love Me Without Restrictions
Trust Me Without Fear
Want Me Without Demand
And Accept Me For Who I Am

But, why do we allow them to change us? Often because we feel insecure and we hope that the relationship in which we are in will only survive with those amendments. The fact is, those amendments are not going to solve the fundamental problems. There is another theory that says, “your partner is trying to change you then, probably you are not made for each other.” You will notice a decline in the desire and the love you both used to feel earlier. This could be because now two of you are busy finding indifference between you. This is a fundamental error.

There is another version side of these fault-finders. To them, undoubtedly, a few of them are very toxic and they wish to manipulate everyone around them without giving much love. This pattern is often found in couple relationships and is characterized by the will to change the behavior of the other. These sorts of fault-finders claim that they are sincerely in love with someone, but they want to reshape partner that best suits them. To them, this reshaping is very important for a lovable relationship; a relationship where they can enjoy their life without arguing for little things. But, again this is not the right way to do it. If they really want to be with you, they really need to accept you as you are.

I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear anything from me, YOU are one of them.

To an extent, the one reason behind our changes – fear of losing someone we love. We believe that we have to give everything for this relationship, until losing our essence because we feel guilty for not having done everything to preserve this bond that we love so much. If you have a low self-yourself or if you are suffering from your own insecurities, you will be left with one option – obey the person who wants to bring change you. However, allowing someone to change you is not something positive. It is better that a person likes you less, but loves you in a beautiful way. Do not change anything, and do not allow others to hurt you.

You can never feel good if you switch yourself to another person. If you need to change, do it for you, not to satisfy the desires of someone else, who certainly is trying to manipulate you. Love blinds us and makes us believe certain things. Of course, we must make efforts in a relationship, but we must never lose our own essence and our way of being. Your partner needs to accept you as you are. If he/she refuses, he is not worth the fun. This is not love, it is a proof of manipulation.

The next time someone asks you to change, answer him: ‘I am what I am, and I will not change for you.”