Friday evening, after boarding the bus, I pulled out my headphones. Then, I noticed that my phone battery was just two percent. “Oh shit! Now, what to do?” I questioned myself. Nothing I can do besides listening to passengers’ chit-chat.
Right next to me were sitting two ladies in their 50s. They were talking about their son and daughter-in-law. That was the day when I first realized why most of my married friends always curse their in-laws and how to deal with in-laws in India.
The lady on the left asked the lady sitting on her right,“how is your daughter doing?”
She is fine. My son-in-law is very humble, and he takes care of every little thing my daughter asks for.”
Wow, how lucky your daughter is. “I got to know that about your son’s marriage. How is he doing?”
This time, the answer was different, “Don’t ask dear! My son has gone completely out of control. He is under hypnotism of his wife and in-laws. Without caring much about me, he only listens to his wife. Day by day, he is becoming a thankless son.
ALSO READ – How to deal with an angry spouse
I was trying to figure out the reason behind two different answers for a similar scenario.
In case of son-in-law; listening to his wife makes that lady happy. On the other side, when it is about her own son, the same thing was more likely pain-in-neck.
I was laughing inside and was thinking about the double standards of those ladies. It was my bus stop and after leaving the bus, I was on my way home, with a bunch of questions.
I was wondering, how easy it was for those ladies to put the whole blame on their daughter-in-law and/or son. Why do they have dual standards; one for their daughters and one for their daughter-in-law? How come it becomes so difficult for people to live under the same roof? For the answers, I approached my grandfather and here is what he told me.
Difference between saying and doing
Dear grandson – the real culprit is the advancement. The more books you read the more idiotically and senselessly you are going to behave.
Your generation talks a lot about gender equality, honesty, trust, love, respecting elders, unity, and greed, but where is the implementation? Should someone of my age wants to share his experiences with you, you guys reject it instantly. For your generation, we are nothing, but oldies with orthodox mentality.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not against the idea of men or women’s freedom and equality, but I have no hesitation in blaming this freedom and open-mindedness as the real reason behind this complete in-laws’ chaos.
We instantly blame the boy, when he leaves his parents at old age regardless of giving a try to figure out the real reason behind it?
I mean, “once an idiot is always an idiot.”
What forced him to took such a drastic step (abandoning his parents) and what made him wait until his marriage? Right after a few months of marriage, a responsible dude becomes an arrogant and irresponsible son.
People of double standards never experience happiness
If he is listening to his wife, society will label him as a “henpecked husband” and if he is favoring his parents, the same society will label him as a mommy’s boy. On top of this, only women, be it wife or mother, have the authority; they are the one to issue him a certificate of either a henpecked husband or a mommy’s boy.
Hmmm.. So, what is the solution grandpa?
The solution is some academic classes on moral values rather than lectures and debates on man-woman rights.
Treat others as you want to be treated
Just to make you understand, take an example of any mother-in-law. Being a mother-in-law, if she wants her daughter-in-law to treat her like her own daughter, then she must learn how to treat her as her daughter. Similarly, if being a daughter-in-law, I want my mother-in-law to behave like my own mother, then I must represent myself as her daughter.
Let me ask you a very simple question,” have you ever noticed, how often and for how long your wife talks to her mother and your mother (her mother-in-law)? I bet, once in a blue-moon to your mother and for the maximum of 10 minutes or so. And with her own mother, every day. Am I true?
Same is the case with your mother; every freaking day she must be having a call from your sister and once in a month to your wife (because you guys are not living together). Let me tell you, your sister’s mother-in-law must be going through the same trouble, though your dad never shared a word with me.
Sharing is not every woman’s cup of tea
You told me that when you were living as a PG during your graduation, you were eight guys sharing two rooms and you never mentioned any sort of trouble among you eight. Can you tell me one single similar example for the girls?
Not all of them, but for a significant proportion of females, sharing things is a challenge. Be it their hair-brush, jeans, t-shirt, kitchen, room, or house; sharing is not their cup of tea. Perhaps this is the reason, why mothers do not want to share their son’s attention and same is the case with wives.
Each and a single word of Grandpa was making complete sense to me.
Dealing with an interfering mother-in-law
He further continued, I do not understand the logic behind consistent interference of girl’s mother in some cases. What is she so worried about? Why a few mothers’ want every minute’s report of what happening with son-in-law family? Why do they make their own girl a spy of her in-laws family? These so-called spies will share everything with their mothers, but their own mistakes.
On top of this, instead wisely handling their daughter’s immaturity, a few mothers further spoon-feed them with conspiracies. Even they know, they are doing it wrong and spoiling their own daughter’s house, but they barely refrain.
People of your generation have no patience and they have lost their control over their tongues. They feel like, ”saying it all, without worrying much about others’ emotions, is the best option.”
The television serials are funny now. In my times, we had serials like Hum Log, Buniyaad; they were full of moral and emotional values. You guys have – Saas Bahu, Diya Baati, and other nonsense stuff, so full of family politics. The amazing part is – even in serials, it is females conspiring against females.
Husbands who don’t stand up, often end up destroying their marriage
On the other side, men are equally responsible. I don’t know why the men of your generation fear so much, especially when it is about taking a stand. If your wife is upset as your mother has said something to her, you are not supposed to take this matter casually.
It might be of no importance for you, but not for your wife. It is a time for you to amend decades’ old theories – “parents’ are always right.”
Do not brush away your wife’s pain. If you are not listening to her, do not get upset if she talks to her mother or brothers.
Most of the time, the troubles are because people try to answer their own questions without even giving an ear to the others’ point of view. If something has been said by someone, there has to be a meaning. And, you won’t be able to sort the issue without finding out the truth.