When I was a bachelor, I used to wonder, what topic these married people have to talk about endlessly? Why the heck the life of my pals change so much just after their marriage only? Why do they always look stressed and frustrated?
Now that I am a married man myself, I figured it out. Being a bachelor, we always dream about our man or woman and once we are married, No sleep and no dreams at all.
Every time you see a happy married couple, you think like they are faking it. Maybe you are right and may not be. Remember, there is always a scope for improvement and especially when it is about married life. Be it an arrange marriage or a love marriage, we always see troubles in our partner.
After a few years, Patni becomes Panauti and Pati becomes Durgati. Divorce is not the only solution in such cases. How about improving our personalities? Let me tell you a few things (straight from a marriage counselor’s column). Guess, these might work.
To start with, learn to value your marriage. It is not always about finance, but sometimes it is all about ego, wrong priorities or affections and ‘I am Perfect’ attitude that plays a role.
“Shaadi karke phas gia,” stop ululating this one liner like a kid. Instead of giving up on a relation so quickly, better both of you (man & woman) learn how to give up your ego. Let it be time, money, trust, happiness; invest in the relationship and investment must be from both end.
Stay young at heart and romantic. Maybe this is what your partner expecting from you. “We want it bad something we don’t have, and once we have it we get exhausted.” It is normal human behavior. Trust me, try doing as little attempt as a 30 seconds’ hug or a goodbye kiss every day; it really works.
A 30-second hugging can improve your blood pressure, lowers your stress hormones and it gives a sense of belonging.
Forgive, Forget, and Moving Forward is very important. The more you drag out your buried sorrows and mistakes, the worse you will be doing to the relationship. If it is excusable, please do not drag it to farther.
Forgiveness means, “I would like to save this relationship and I have the courage to do that.” In addition, one you forgive something, you must forget it too and move forward. Discussion on bitter memories is proved to be a prime reason for every domestic disturbance.
After marriage, it is always We and never I. The more you make it an I, the more you will suffer. Participation and suggestions really matter. Let him/her be in your decisions. Make your partner feel that you value his/her suggestions, whether or not you will be going with those.
Share the work and share the bond. We are in 21st century and there is nothing bad if being a man you are doing the dusting or cooking some delicious items for your kids or wife. Involve them and make your spouse feel good.
Give her/him butterflies in the stomach. We all do like pleasant surprises. Buy something or do something that makes your partner proud of you.