How is your relationship with your partner going?

How is your relationship with your partner going?
How is your relationship with your partner going?
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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

It’s been two decades since people put me in the lobby of matures and until today, I have not seen even a single person who once said, “Oh, I will stay faithful to my partner in every condition and for as long as it takes.”

Sadly, I have only seen couples married for a (say) ten years and most of them are struggling from last seven years to keep their relationship good. With every year passed, this struggle gets even harder. Isn’t it an amazing thing to laugh! Makes me laugh. I usually see old couples in their seventies, eighties, along the beachside holding hands and enjoying the sunset. They make me feel like – “I want to have the same kinda relationship with my partner.” In fact, this is what we all want this, but no one is concerned about the things that must be done to keep a relationship strong, exciting and loving. Can I tell you some secrets?

Do You Trust Your Partner?

Trust is the first and most important predictor of a successful relationship and if the trust is missing, one cannot expect a good relationship. Ask yourself the questions: Can I trust my partner and if not, will I be able to build it? Do I stick to my promises and commitments? Am I behaving like a ‘tower of strength’ for my partner and is she doing the same? Without any shadow of the doubt, in a few couples, trust is the most difficult task, while for others, they have a blind trust. This depends upon on your past relationships and how you are grown up. Should you have a positive ideology towards the life, you will find it very easy to trust someone, whereas, for a pessimist, trusting someone is impossible. In general, you could say that someone who doubts a lot on his/her partner for any reason (a past mistake or habit), automatically becomes a wrong partner and relationship with such a person is never going to be a fruitful one.

If you have confidence, you do not see the whole staircase to take the first step. Martin Luhter King

Do You Join Your Partner With Intimacy?

According to researchers, there are four ways in which we feel close and intimate with our partner. These four dimensions of intimacy such as Physical (Hugging, kissing, holding each other, sex, touch), Emotional (By approaching each other lovingly, to show interest, showing respect for each other’s emotions), Intellectual (an instinct to understand the pain, psychology and stress of each other), and last, but not the least, doing things together (building positive memories by sharing experiences). It is all about joining your partner with a closeness, whether it’s in sports or cooking or dancing or traveling; it has to be a team activity. Put in any dimension, be it ‘must or would or can’; this is going to boost the love in your relationship. Should your partner lack the abilities of showing affection because of any reason, even in that case, at least you both must not miss a hug. It may sound silly and not natural, but trust me, it helps to start this way together.

What Type Of Person Are You In This Relationship?

Think about your friends and compare yourself with a few of them. Among some, you might consider yourself as a loser, but among others, you may feel yourself much better. The logic is choosing the best and eliminating the worst. The fact is that different people have different aspects and we need to show the better side of ourselves to our partner. You need to list down the situations where you lose your cool and where you enjoy the most. There are studies that claim the amount of communication (negative) as the best predictor of divorce. It is perfectly alright and essential as well to express criticism and things that disturb you as a person, but there has to be a right way.

How Do You Deal With Conflicts?

It is quite normal to have a fight with each other, provided that it is not every day. Conflicts and arguments do not have to be the basis for the end of a relationship. In fact, sometimes a fight can bring you closer together. But, they key is – how you handle the conflict. Couples who have difficulty in resolving conflicts often go into a fight, flight, and freeze. They remain angry and leave it too long, sometimes years. Instead, giving up their ego, they prefer to stay with unsolved issues. Successful couples make it work to solve problems and to let it go. They focus on addressing the issue rather than the person. Even under the strong negative influence of anger and emotion, they manage to stay so close during fights. And, if the issue is resolved, they forgive and forget each other. The ideal couples learn and grow. Like good wine, the maturation of a relationship improves over the years.

Leave the little irritation breathing and go on to more important matter. Leo Babauta

How Do You Deal With The Crisis?

Almost in every relationship, there comes a time when you go through difficult and unpleasant times. The death of a loved one, illness of your child or yourself, or stressful periods of work, and etc. These stages of life ask for patience and togetherness. At such moments, if your relationships are strong enough, you will stand by each other and there is going to be an endless support not only until the storm is quite, but also afterward. Reminds me of a case, where a couple lost their only baby. Mother left the kid unattended and father left the first-aid box open. The kid accidentally swallowed the tablets and died. Now, instead blaming each other, the couple came closer to each other. Every time I think of it brings tears to my eyes. I need you to write down a few circumstances and crisis that brought you together as a couple and few others that widened the gap between two of you.

In addition, you as a couple also need to work on the financial section of your family. Take a note – how often you fight about money, what are your or your partner’s spending pattern, are you or your partner is satisfied with the present salary or not. Keeping a relationship alive, healthy and full of love is not an easy task, but also not a difficult task. One need to understand that staying in a relationship deprive of hopes and full of miseries is not going to make you a loyal couple, but a miserable one. Also, at such a situation, if possible, you should try to understand the reasons behind that, instead planning a revenge. In a relationship, forget and forgive is a must (up to an extent) because if you repeat histories, you will have to face the same consequences.

It is one hundred percent possible to reignite the passion in your relationship. Sometimes you just need help to find the spark.