How I came out of Depression!

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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

There comes a time in our life when destiny plays its card. Not only it takes away the most precious thing that we have, but also give it to someone else deliberately.

We feel as helpless as a kid who had lost his parents in the crowd; for him, his whole world is gone.” Dear God! Help me understand, why would you bless someone with the dreams that you are going to shatter one day, irrespective of the endless pain we will have to live with because of your volition. Isn’t some sort of “puppet show,” where you pull the strings from behind the curtain and you make us move as it pleases you. People say, “whatever happens, happens for good.” No denial, time is the biggest antidote you inject us with and make us forget our sorrows. But, let me ask, what about the Depression phase? Dear GOD! It is very HARD.

I was a prey of depression and it happened to me in 2007-2008 when I was in Australia for my post-grads. I still remember those bloody nights with teary pillows that I spent in a 10×11 dark room with a tinted glass window. Being a non-alcoholic and non-smoker corpse, I was always in my complete consciousness. During those months of isolation, when I was left alone by those people whom I made laugh like a comedian all the time, I wished to become a drunkard who could allow himself drowning in bottles of whiskey or in the smoke of marijuana. But, something was there, pulling me back from my complete disappearance; a complete personality change. Those, who were with me, I was not able to share my sorrows with them. And, the shoulders that I was desperately hunting for crying, was busy holding someone else’s head. What date is it, what time is it, what street I live on, how to cook a chappati (Indian pancake), why do people laugh so much; were a few questions making me behave like as if I am an alien. A man who used to spend his half salary on the lifestyle was not at all interested in having a haircut or shave.

A soul that was known for clubbing and parties suddenly became a mystery for many and history for self. A physical onslaught, a mental assault, a financial attack; I just passed through a series of accidents. For relatives, I was cooking up stories, for friends I was a sad soul, to that someone special I was a loser, and for my closer ones, I was a debt. I was hauling everything of my own like a poor beggar or nomad, wandering here and there looking for a piece of bread and a place to sleep. For a man like me who never ever gave a second thought before lending someone thousand of dollars, every single penny was now making complete sense. That was the time when I figured out many functions of my phone, as most of the time I was reading old text messages and listening to the voice recordings.

My Lord, don’t move my mountain.
But give me the strength to climb.
And Lord, don’t take away my stumbling blocks.
But lead me all around.
Inez Andrews

One fine day, I recollected myself and decided to pull myself out of that life-sucking dirty quagmire. “Dr. Helen Norman, Can I please have an appointment with you?” Yes, was the answer from the side. Oh my God! Am I really going to see a psychiatrist and that too at the age of 28? Well, I managed to buy a train ticket and boarded the train. Finally, I was at the front door of her clinic. Let’s do it, Sukh. I had two sessions with her and Norman told me, there is no one that can help me, but me. I need to start taking things positively. I need to flush all those emails and photos. I need to put all those sad memories on fire. I need to change security questions and backup option to my emails. I must generate a highly secure password (‘@#$FtS%^1Ds’ kinda password) that I am not going to store anywhere.

If I am a god believer, I need to reconnect myself with God and seek his blessings. I need to save myself from negative vibes. Reminds me of a practice she told me – picking up a weed and cursing it with a finger pointed towards it. “I don’t want you here. Get out of my sight. I want to replace you with a wonderful flower.” Actually, that weed is your negative energy. She told me, not to keep things inside. Instead, repairing and repent, preparing and prevent is rather a better option. Why do you want to stay sad for someone, who is enjoying her life without you? Why it is so hard for you to survive without that something, which was not even in the frames a few years ago? Why are you punishing yourself for someone who is not at all concerned about your present situation? Isn’t it like – I am crying for someone and not sure whether she is going to notice?

There is no one that can help me, but me. I need to start taking things positively. I need to flush all those emails and photos. I need to put all those sad memories on fire.

The moment I got answers to all aforesaid questions was the moment when I successfully retrieved myself back. The answer I got was – “Fcuk it off that someone special like she fcuked me off! Life is bitch and sometimes we have to be a bitch to it.” Stop bothering about people who are least concerned about you. In iPhone age, every relation is a give-n-take type. The least you expect, the happier you will be. Sometimes, it is good to be rude. Instead, upsetting your brain, it is better to scream it out and spit it out. Let me tell you, people start caring, when they are ignored and a few starts to panic when dropped. Simple phenomenon, YOLO – you only live once. I read somewhere, we have a 7 minutes’ brain activity left before we actually die and in that seven minutes, we are blessed with a greatly detailed flashback of our life in chronological order. Don’t know, it is real or not, but I want to make sure that I want to see myself as a hero of that flashback – a man who lived his life with dignity, and happiness.

Dear friends, should you lack willpower, I must say, there is no medication that can boost your stamina required for climbing up the cliff of depression.