“Aaney de tere papa ko (Let your father come, he will see you!).”
Don’t you think, spanking a child in Asian civilizations is considered a God-given right? “Give him one (a slap),” is nothing, but a solution to all problems; at least this is how people of 1980s and late 1990s were grown up. Still reminds me of my school days, when principal used to humiliate weaker or wayward students in the morning assembly; bright sunny summer days, a wooden stick and ‘De Dana Dan (consistently bashing)’. That torture not only ends there; A remark posted by a teacher on a student’s school link-book (diary) confirms the second episode of it (torture) from his parents. Can you imagine the volume of fear and stress with which that tiny heart has to grow up; the fear of corporal punishment and public embarrassment.
Be it, parents or teachers, to them beating means teaching discipline. How can you correlate beating and discipline? Beating a kid for making him understand something reminds me of a Bollywood police station scene where a group of policemen shows their manhood on a criminal tied with ropes.
Well, as far as child beating is concerned, I personally do not find it justifiable. I believe, those who beat their kids are just treating these soft souls as a punching bag that they can thrash anytime, especially when they are pissed off or stressed because of their own shit.
Should it be any reason like refusing to eat something, asking for something repetitively, not scoring good marks, watching too much TV, breaking something in the house, hitting someone; mommy’s floater or daddy’s belt is a permanent cure.
Regardless of the after consequences, we feel delighted when to see our kid apologizing and promising for not repeating the mistake; yes I have won it and I have successfully given him a lifetime lesson of discipline – I am delighted. But, do you know what you are actually achieving?
No way, you are really not paving a road that leads your kid to a rather disciplined life, but you are making him a personality obsessed with violence. This is where you teach him the basics of domestic violence, where hitting a kid or wife seems okay to him.
Let me ask, “if you cannot allow an adult to hit you, then how on earth you justify hitting a kid being an adult?” Can you deny from the fact that when you hit a kid, you are setting examples for him where he learns how hitting someone is okay and why it is necessary?
“To make people obey you and to make someone do your things, kick him really hard.” This is the psychology you are going to feed him with. You are also turning him to a person with low human values and full of cowardliness. Your kids feel safe with you.
But, can you imagine the isolation your kids will have to live with when the see their protector behaving like a destroyer? The bruises of your blows may fade away by the time, but the wound that is going to inflict their mind, soul and heart are never going to heal.
Hitting not only harms a kid physically, but emotionally too. The more you hit a child, the more stubborn he will become. I have seen parents, who start hugging their kids after hitting them. Let me tell you after hugs are not going to remove the sting of physical bashing.
I don’t need to tell you that children are very sensitive. I have seen many mothers hitting their kids on the hands when they touch something unusual like some sort of toy or objects. But, do you know this hitting is going to damage his skills of exploring their environment; every time they see a new object, they are going to resist themselves from touching.
Child Psychology experts say that “hitting no way improves the behavior, it rather deteriorates it. It won’t let the cycle of misbehavior stop and the justifications for physical violence against anyone are never going to end. This is not what we call positive parenting.
I know most of the people will oppose my idea of not beating kids. To them, kids who are not kicked they behave like parents and not kids. I completely agree, too much freedom and lack of no fear surely turn them into idiots.
But, there are substitutes to spanking and physical hitting and the biggest one is – diversion. By diversion I mean – diverting the things towards a rather progressive path. Kids are kids and when dealing with kids you must think like a kid, but act like an adult. These are a few best alternatives that you can opt for when your kids provoke you to slap.
Being an adult you need to learn how to calm yourself when your head is as high as boiling water; at 100 degrees. There are studies proving that most of the time parents do hit their kids when they had a bad day at office or on road. Therefore, they need to learn how to maintain the balance between personal and professional life.
Use logical consequences
Being parents you need to learn how to use tactics while shaping your kids. Assume a scenario, where your neighbor put the blame on your kid – “he broke my window glass.” Now, instead spanking him, you need to tell him, “you broke his glass, now you got to mow his lawn as a penalty.”
This is how you will help learn the logical consequence of his mistake. On the other side, should you spank him, he might not break that glass again, but he will try to find out the ways of hiding his mistakes.
Be kind, but undeviated
Give you kids the required room. Do not stop him from exploring things, but just be watchful. Instead, beating him, you should teach him how to understand things through eye-contact.
For an example -if you need silence around you, restrain yourself from beating you kid for making noise, rather tell him ,”I love you, and you love me too. Isn’ it? So, I want you to play, but quietly. Don’t get noisy.”
Offer Choices and Diversions
How about a pizza party and no more playing in the rain? Give your kids as many options as you can and let them decide. In addition, instead slapping your kid for doing something that you don’t want him to do, lift him up and take him to the next room. Get him busy with something else.
When nothing is going right, take a left. You need to avoid the conflict because the more you argue the more complicated it will become. Do not get physical and tell your kid, “I am in the next room, talk to me when you want to talk respectfully.”
Dear Parents, you need to learn the new basics of positive parenting. Honoring parents by no means expecting your kid to do something that you might have done throughout your life. Hitting your kid won’t only stop him from doing something, but will also widen the gap between you and him.