Why Partners Becomes Faultfinders?

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Why Partners Becomes Faultfinders
Why Partners Becomes Faultfinders
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Kumar Sunil

Kumar Sunil

Dreamer & Enthusiast

Creative. One word says it all for Sunil. A engineer, an enthusiastic and conscientious Information Technology consultant by profession, Sunil shares a special interest with entrepreneurship and lifestyle.

“What the hell! Are you a dumb by birth or you are just pretending to be one?

I don’t know why you do such idiotic mistakes that are completely unacceptable from someone who is in a good state of mind. You want this relationship to survive, then you need to change yourself. Otherwise, I might have to think about other available options.”This is an illustration of how your conversation is going to be after a few years’ of marriage. Not in every case, but for the majority of couples this is not something unusual. The period of praises last for a few years only and lately, the same couple starts behaving like contenders of faultfinding competition; all they have is complaints about everything. We become faultfinders.

Be it his/her legs, face, voice, a way of eating, a way of sleeping, way to talking, a way of walking, or other habits; everything seems like going off the balance. At this stage, for a couple, it becomes hard to find out when was the last time they spent a few happy moments? In such cases, bringing your relationship to the starting point becomes a challenge.

It is neither a tragedy nor uncommon when a couple partners reach a critical point, which irritate one another. After some time, you start noticing that your relationship is not only becoming bad, but it is on the verge of its life. At such a disastrous state, even if you do something exceptionally good, your partner is going to see it as a blunder mistake. This happens to all of us, isn’t it? A person, for whom we can even kill anyone, suddenly becomes our number target. Ever wondered, why this happens?

Our Dual Personality

No offense, but we all are actors – people with a dual personality; one face for the screen and another face in real life. Same is the case with relationships. At the beginning of a relationship, we try our level best to camouflage our flaws and things that irritate us. We want to present ourselves in good light, as a good man, a man who is always cool and full of life. We don’t want people to discover us the way we actually are and admittedly, we don’t behave the way we do when we are alone. And, when we show our true colors, things become worse.

Our Allergies

You can be right or you can be in relationship.Veronica Johnson

Now, what is this? This is the second reason; social psychologists have named it as allergens. We respect a thing only until we don’t have it. It is human nature to never value the things that he/she has and always keep running for the thing that we don’t have. When we spend longer time with someone, we have longer exposures about that person, and then, we become allergic! More specifically, at the beginning of the relationship we choose to see those mistakes as minor things, but once we become allergic to the person or I would rather say, when we feel like ‘fed-up’ from someone, we start taking those mistakes as an issue. Instead, leaving them unnoticed, we keep looking for them and the moment we see any of them, we go mad. From this point onward, those little mistakes make you start hating the person as a whole.

Our Expectations

People keep on increasing there are of their expectation boundaries; the more a partner delivers, the more is expected of him/her. At the end, every relation of this world is based on one single principle – give and take. If as a partner you think that you can always be on the receiver’s end, then you are gravely mistaken. It is good to expect from your partner because expectations lead to faith and faith plays an important in every relationship. But, when your (high-end) expectations are not served the way you expected, you start finding fault in every little thing. I am not saying that one should not expect anything, but keep your expectation within a limit because expectations also lead to disappointments and, then sufferings. So, how this trouble can be resolved is another question.

ALSO READ | How To Resolve A Relationship After A Big Fight

Critics or cynics know the price of everything, but value of nothing, they say. Finding faults is very easy and you don’t need any certification for this. But, when you are busy finding faults in your partner, never forget that your partner might be busy finding someone else or at least an escape from you. I have seen people doing cat-fights over petty issues and I have seen them fighting for divorces.

According to experts, the problem is not with your partner, but with you; you don’t want to see things as they are, but as you want. Reminds me of Wayne Dyer’s quote that, “ Not only do you become what you think about, but the world also becomes what you think about. Those who think that the world is a dark place are blind to the light that might illuminate their lives. Those who see the light of the world,view the dark spots as merely potential light.”

Do not let your wounds turn you into a person you are not. Cure them before the become a lifetime regret.

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY.