When Sex with your husband turns to Rape

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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

Rape is not just a woman’s issue. It’s about men who stop behaving like human beings and start behaving like animals.

“Hanging chandeliers, aromatic ambiance, joyful faces, colorful expensive dresses, and endless rituals; who wants to forget the day of his/her marriage.” But, when you are betrayed by the person whom you handed over everything you had, life seems like a hell. Undoubtedly, a healthy sexual relationship is an important factor behind any married relationship, but there are a lot of debates about whether or not a marriage gives a person round-the-clock permission for sexual activities regardless of his partner’s will? Breaking it to the point; I want to discuss marital rapes. Violence takes on different forms in everyday life. No wonder, we already have so much to talk about on physical and sexual abuse on children or on women from a stranger or relative. But, unfortunately, marital rape is a problem, which society is not yet ready to talk openly.

The Main Differences Between Rape Borne By An Unknown Person And Marital Rape

A rape by stranger occurs when the offender and victims are completely unknown to each other (in most cases). They have never shared the same experience before. When the attack happens, there exists no doubt about whatever is happening. However, in marital rape, the circumstances are very different. It is – apart from physical and sexual violation – a betrayal of trust. In this case, offender and victim are a couple who had made love over many years, have shared the most intimate secrets and fears. Marital rape is exceedingly devastating because it is not only about killing a soul, but murdering the fundamental basis of the marital relationship. Without any shadow of the doubt, the victim (partner) will feel betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused.

Another difference is that while aggression produced by a stranger is a sexual act of physical violence, marital rape should be understood as an emotional and physical abuse. Another feature of destructive marital rape is that it is repeated. The victim will feel guilty and he will keep thinking that she must have done something wrong that developed this behavior. Eventually, the victim will come to believe that she is now not allowed to ask for help as her husband has full control on her.

Different Types Of Marital Rape

Marital rape is generally divided into three categories: rape involving a degree of violence, one involving enough force to control, and the sadistic rape victim. Violent rape occurs, as the name suggests, where the abuser uses physical violence enough to cause injury to the victim. Examples would include wounding her with a knife. Many abusers will also force their wives to maintain sexual acts after applying blows to intimidate and humiliate.

Rape by coercion is usually understood as a form that includes the aggressive force to control and the victim is not allowed to defend herself. It is one of the most common forms of abuse, and the victim will often feel confused because she will have no idea about how to react properly. Sadistic rape means a rape that is in compliance with suffering caused by the abuse, humiliation, and defamation. Examples are the use of objects to torture the victim. This type of rape is particularly humiliating.

In general, it is difficult to define clear lines between different types of rape because rape can involve any of the forms explained above or a combination thereof. Many victims of marital rape feel guilty for not having fought harder or have instilled that what happened was not a real rape. This can be extremely painful. But, the problem here is – when living with the perpetrator, victims feel highly influenced by offenders and instead fighting back, they start developing various mechanisms that they think will limit the willingness of offenders. In several cases, after an extent, women will start feeling guilty for having consented to the aggression and thereafter, this state of shock and confusion will stop them from taking any certain decisions.

Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining this form of abuse. Traditional idea is that it’s impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow when they both decided to live together forever, there exists no question of forced rape, but possibly a communication problem. But, dear norm makers, you need to amend this orthodox principle of yours. Stop defining a woman as an object and marriage as a license that allows idiots to abuse women in either way they want. Sex, like all the intimate aspects, must be consensual. It is a way that two people who love each other expresses love and care of one another. It is a sensible way of communication.

Remember! If a woman said, “yes” to marriage does not mean that she said, “yes” to sex whenever her husband wants.

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY.