Unhappy Marriage An open book for others to read

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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

Marriages are made in heaven! Oh really? Be it a love marriage or an arranged marriage, ask any couple, “How’s it?” Life sucks after marriage.

Oh really? Be it a love marriage or an arranged marriage, ask any couple, “How’s it?” Life sucks after marriage.  Who is responsible for an unhappy marriage?

Is it a husband or a wife or there is someone else hiding behind the curtain and dictating the dialogues. It is not like who will bell the cat, rather the mystery is, who is the cat? Before it is too late, and you see no scope for a ‘change of heart,’ you better start working on things. ‘No use crying over spilled milk’ as ‘repair and repent is always better than prepare and prevent.

Who is governing things?

“Iski umar ho gai, iski shaadi kar do.” We all know what perfect age is & stage for getting married. If we are dying for tying a knot with someone whom who either barely know or know only what we really wanted to know; we are grown enough to have our own decisions and obviously, we do not need consultations. Perhaps this is the reason behind all those formal and informal meetings we organized before choosing our partner.

We don’t ask our parents about ‘how to go’ in honeymoon or how to kiss our partner. We don’t talk about our ‘dim-light experiences’ with our mommies and daddies or other third parties (relatives that are good for nothing).

Come one dude! Who does? Do you? But when it comes to other issues, even as smallest as sneezing, coughing, farting, snoring or sleeping sides; we feel like sharing it instantly with our parents. Why?

“Beta tu aisa kar. Beti tu aisa kar.” 99.99% these suggestions spoil things. Be it a husband or wife, in most cases, both have seen indulging their parents especially their mommies. They take their temporary problems to their mommies like a nappy-wearing kid.

Without any shadow of the doubt, there are parents who want their kid to win every argument by hook or crook. Though they know, the filthiest tactics they are churning and spoon feeding their kids with, going to work like fumes, yet they barely resist from burning their own son or daughter’s house.

Do not get me wrong. There are parents who guide their ‘matured turned idiots’ very wisely, but again majority is of those who think they know everything. In fact, they are as dumb as an amateur electrician, fixing wires without turning off the MCB; one single mistake and Boom.

Guys, you need to figure it out, who is governing your relationship? The answer is quite simple, “the one whom you talk too much and whose words influence you to the greatest extent.

Instead of talking about each other, start talking with each other and keep your families out of this.

TRUST

Do you know, “half of the things your partner is doing because of you.” Trust your judgements, take your time, and hold your horses. Don’t be a hot potato all the time.

We see the world the way we want to see and not the way it actually is. In some cases, we are given 3D glasses to see the things the way directors want us to see.

The point is – are you really buying that shit and are you doubting your partner’s truth?

If your partner is late, there must be a reason and for God’s sake, do not jump to a conclusion that your partner is sitting late hours in the office just because of a colleague with whom your partner might be having an extra-marital affair.

It could be a project deadline. You got to trust. You need to learn about your partner’s work nature and schedule. Questions are welcome, but only to the extent of self-respect. After living with someone, it is not hard to read your partner’s habit and traits. But, if you don’t want to think that way, other options are always open you.

EGO

You should learn the difference between ego and self-respect. Let me break it for you. When my parents say, “I am a lazy bugger. I don’t know shit. I am spending like an idiot,” I feel like, they can say and I never take them personally.

Let us flip it. Same statements coming from your partner; umm… it hurts. This time, you will take all these to your ego and this will be more or less an assault on your ego.

Why so? You don’t feel insecure if a five-year-old kid tells you that you stink, but you will feel highly unconfident if your colleague repeats the same.

You need to understand that ego is nothing but a sense of insecurity. The dilemma is—why am I so self-doubting and that about my partner? Shame on me!

ADJUSTMENT

Be it any gender, any country; marriage is all about adjustment. A girl who is coming from another background with different values, she has to understand that she is now a part of another family who may have a completely different approach toward the things.

Same is the case with the boy; he must allow adequate time to her. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” The golden rule applies here. Despite “Kundali Milan,” we still need to work on compatibility and this is an ongoing process, MIND IT.

BUY THE MOON

Oh, my god! Unrealistic dreams! We all live in a world of dream, far away from the real world. Marriage is like a watermelon and you would know the real colors only after cutting it in half. Surprise!

Dreams fade away and instead of “moon and stars,” love birds are left with, “Aata and Daal.” Someone truly said, “Expectations lead to disappointment and unrealistic desires mean unbearable pain, thus, expect the least. Stop dreaming and start living.

Let us not be a hard nut to crack and someone with a screw loose. We don’t allow our parents to choose our partner without consulting us and we don’t like our partner speaking about us to his/her parents especially when we are not around.

We don’t like our partner to doubt our integrity and character. We don’t any advice from our in-laws about how we should go.

Before expecting, we need to make sure that we are following these. End of discussion.

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