We are living under the same roof, sharing the same kitchen, attending functions together. For the society, we are a happy family and an example of bonding. But, the reality is different.
The widening gap between families is a serious matter.
It was seven o’clock. Time to go home. I was so tired. It was a long day. I really need peace. I turned the ignition on and the moment I shifted gear from neutral to reverse, I was praying, “God! Please bless me with a wonderful evening today. I am seriously not interested in another parliamentary session. I am done with domestic hip-hop.”
I seriously do not understand the logic behind these senseless debates among family members, especially the wife and mother ones. And, after every debate, expecting a guest lecture from my father is now no surprise. Sometimes I feel like, I made a blunder mistake of getting married.
I believe, instead of seeking a confirmation from boy or girl on a marriage proposal, we should ask their parents, whether or not they are ready to get their wards married. Well, I am talking about those civilizations where kids live with their parents after marriage.
“You are old enough now. You are going to cross the right age of getting married. I want to see my grandchildren before I die.” Probably, these are the pet dialogues of every mother, especially Asians. They are worried about their kid. I agree, they have their dreams too. But, I am little confused about their philosophies.
Before marriage, they were telling me that I am a grown-up man now. I must start taking my own decisions now. And, after getting married, at every instance, they are going to remind me, “you are not that old to take decisions. You must involve us in all your decisions. You must understand; this is not interference, but respect.”
With my these thoughts, I reached home. After many months, I felt like I am going to enter in a ‘no-nonsense zone.’ Everybody was in their own rooms. I had a shower, finished my dinner, and locked myself in the study room.
Light music, a glass of my favorite whiskey and rocking chair; my 3 best friends. I was feeling as light as a paper.
How could I sort this shit out? How can I rejoin everyone? What should I do to bring the happiness? It is sad but true that despite living under one roof, we are not connected. This is a serious problem. Remind me of the day, when my younger brother knocked a guy out, whose shot (cricket) unintentionally caused me nose-bleeding. I was thinking of the day when I got married. How happy was everyone? I am still trying to recall – why things went wrong?
I was wrong. The reason behind this never ending highway among family members was nor the parents’ traditional approach of handling relationships, neither the liberal thinking of our generation. The real culprit behind this widened gap is – the clash of ego.
Be it of parents or children, it seems like everything revolves around ego satisfaction. We don’t want to listen to our parents’ advice once we are married because that makes us feel like we are still a kid. They keep on guiding us because to them, we know nothing. Again ego. Ladies in the house are not comfortable with each others’ lifestyle.
Moms keep expecting a daughter-in-law who does things like their daughters, despite knowing that she is from a different family with different cultural and social values. And, daughter-in-law wants to implode their mother-in-law’s style of living because to them that style is old fashioned and not acceptable. Again, ego clash. Same is the case between husband and wife.
When I see two ladies of same house fighting with each other and the man who pretends to be the head of the house behaves like a deaf and dumb person, I think of my grandfather. I had never seen my grandmother talking loud. I have never seen my mother having arguments with my grandmother over who is going to cook today, as long as my granddad was there.
He was a man of discipline or I feel no shame in saying, he was a man with a stick.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not promoting family violence. But, we must agree that times were better then. I have never heard of any old couple fighting for their divorce. I have never seen brother fighting for property shares. Everything was so well-planned and pragmatic; no chance of hotchpotch.
So, it is all because of excessive freedom? Is it because of books and education that we only talk about our rights and not duties? Dear ladies, what kind of education is this – you love to share everything with your mother even several years of marriage, but not with your mother-in-laws.
And, dear boys, why do you feel bad, when you mother-in-law interferes and why you think everything is okay when your mother interferes?
When it is about wife’s parents, “why is it so easy to tell stop interfering?”
Dear mothers! Why do you start hating your sons after getting them married? When you were not ready to share your son with someone, then why you keep forcing your son for marriage? When the only wise girl you see on the planet is your own daughter, then why you allowed her get married and leave your house?
Dear fathers! Clear you philosophies; either your sons are idiots of the century or they are grown up to handle their own life. Choose one. Stop confusing yourself and your son. Either allow him to be the driver of his life or lap him for the rest of the life. Keep telling him, “do go outside, it is dark.”
Dear Sons! Learn your responsibilities. You must develop your patience. Stop complaining about getting stuck in females’ ego. Watch out your father. How he played different roles; a role of a father, of a husband, of a brother, of a father-in-law and of a son too. Learn to handle things.
Dear daughters! If you are married, learn to be the part of your husband’s family and stop recalling your childhood memories. If you feel like that was the best time you ever had; then don’t get married. Stick to that particular house; enjoy your memories as long as you want. Try to remember, how many times you changed your habit from kindergarten to high school. Was that tough to adopt? Then, why it is so tough now to adopt the rules of someone’s house? How tough it is to believe that your old mates are gone and you have new friends with new mindsets and expectations.