The controversies between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws are nothing new; these saas bahu problems are in every Indian house.
“Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi.” The most watched Indian TV Opera and the secret behind its success was – clever depiction of saas- bahu politics. The funniest but the strangest part is, from this point onward, the relationship between saas bahu (mother-in-law and daughter-in-law) determine the fate of the son. These never ending saas bahu problems are one among other relationship problem. If saas bahu are sharing a healthy relationship, the guy is a good son and good husband, otherwise, the hero becomes an extra. So, if you are a mother-in-law and serious about improving things, here is how to improve saas bahu relationship.
The episode starts with the smallest possible thing like preparing food and after sometime, it becomes a reason for son’s separation from his parents. The egoistic clash of saas and bhau (D.I.L and M.I.L) finally ends when either the son is decorated with “a thankless son award” or daughter-in-law is adorned with,“clever fox award,” by the relatives acting as special jury members.
Before writing this article, I went through at least hundred discussion threads about saas bahu problems. To my wonder, there is so much of emotional depth and a strong resistance to change. There has to be a solution for all these and I found a few. I am not sure, right or wrong and I let my readers be the judge.
1Mommy, why do you feel insecure if I am talking to my wife so much?
For most of the mothers, it is hard to give away their only son; the son whom they have grown up from a thumb-sucking kid to a man. Dear mommies, if you seriously want to improve the saas bahu relationship, you need to set your son free.
As a mother-in-law, you should learn to accept our true place in the relationship. Instead of expecting your son to do what he used to do earlier, you should ask him to consult his wife before he comes to you.
Do not cry or do emotional dramas for grabbing your son’s attention. You must learn how you can encourage your son about his participation in the marriage.
2 Be a pray for your daughter-in-law
If you willfully enters into a competition with your bahu (daughter-in-law), then being an opponent you would be praying for her defeat. If you see things are not working out between your son and his wife or even between you and his wife, try to pray for her.
Do not always criticize rather seek God’s help, pray that may God show her the way and also ask God to show you how to love her as if your own daughter.
3We all love compliments and a few words of praise
Mommy, try to praise your daughter-in-law, a little compliment from you at the right time will surely make a huge difference. A few words of praise for your bahu especially when you see your son around means a lot to her.
Mistakes are very easy to find. Try to learn how not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Taunting and remarking needs no special training, but, applauding, praising and complimenting surely does. To end saas bahu problems, you need to take this initiative.
4 Speak when you are asked for
Without any shadow of a doubt, do not be an advice volunteer. You need to offer your piece of advice only when it is asked. Your free advice could be a taken as an order or threat.
5Your daughter-in-law might be different from you
How hard is it to accept your bahu (daughter-in-law) as she is? Why do you need modifications so soon? She might be from a family where they eat curd with sugar or where they cook in a different way. What is the big deal?
Trust me, half of the saas bahu problems start when you try to change the things that she might be doing from last 25 years. It will only plant bitterness in the relationship. Even if you want to change a few thing, first try to learn her mindset and function accordingly.
If you really want to improve saas bahu relationship, stop overburdening her with your expectations. Allow her sometime to adjust. The simple principle that works here is, “one who cares, need no reminders and one who doesn’t, reminders are of no use.”
6Stop assuming and start talking
This is another reason behind many saas bahu problems. Instead of talking about each other, better talk to each other. Stop assuming why your bahu did something. Probabilities and assumptions are two main culprits behind every ruined relationship.
Before you jump to the conclusion, it is better to speak in person. Most of the time we stop talking for no reason and by the time, we realize, it is already too late. Asking question is okay but the most important part is, “tone.”
If you are serious about saas bahu problems, there are a lot more things you can do to improve saas bahu relationship like taking initiative, thinking positive about your daughter-in-law, not being biased to your son’s mistakes, respect their (son and his wife) decisions even if you know they are wrong.