My friends now keep telling me that I have changed a lot. They don’t like me anymore for my current attitude. But, I swear to god, I am loving it.
I no longer offer my back as a donkey that anyone can use for mountain climbing. I know, I used to help everyone without thinking much about self. The idea of finding happiness in feeding others with my own lunch and bragging about self-satisfaction with an empty stomach; for me, it is a kind of strange philosophy.
One single message from any of my friend, and I used to take it as a fire warning; an immediate action. I donated hundred of bucks’ medicines to the needy. Offered several months of free accommodation and paying whole apartment’s rent and security from my own pocket. For me helping others was the only motto.
I know I was a charitable man before and I really like the philosophies like be unique, do not let anything change you and others. I gave two phases of my life to those poetic stanzas; throughout my adolescent age and my young age, I tried my level best to be in the good books of others.
But, I was wrong. There are no good books, but accounting ledgers; be it your family or friends, everyone is balancing their own expenses and revenues.
Relationships are like bank deposits nowadays; the more money you invest, the more interest you will get. And, if you go for a fixed deposit means a big investment in someone, you can take him for granted.
People keep telling, if you dare to hurt my interest (means if you ever said no to any of my demand), I will instantly withdraw my deposit (means I will instantly break all relationships with you), forfeit your everything you invested so far (means I am going to forget every single thing you did for me), and will access my right of reinvesting the same amount with some other bank (means I am going to will replace you).
It is no coincidence that you have encountered with various people in your life. Undoubtedly, a few of them are a blessing, while many are lessons. Who you have encounters with depending on two things – your destiny or the way you are told to treat people from your childhood.
In my case, I was told to not to hurt anyone’s feelings in any manner and not to rethink when it is about helping someone. Well, I followed the same teachings for 25 years after having my wisdom teeth, and trust me, I suffered a lot.
Despite walking that extra mile every time, I saw no one on the other side of the sea; the sea that I have to struggle with during my bad phase. I had a very tough ride, but I sailed and survived that sea storm.
I was under every kind of pressure a man could possibly imagine. The worst round that I had to fight with was my own helplessness. In my mission of hurting no one in any way, I had to be with the countless lies of people, who I owe money and other kinda supports.
Everyone’s social media status was available, but none of them for me. I was broken and no one was there to help. I was checking my old emails and every second email was having the same closing line, “I am really indebted to you for this help.” But, when I was in trouble and I tried to mail them back, every email bounced back with a mail failure delivery notice.
During my struggle with my own temporary financial setbacks, I sent text messages and made calls to people to pay me the money that they owe to me. But, seems like they all have the same template message, “Sorry! Cannot help you now. I am facing the same kinda trouble.”
It was making me feel like, all those philosophies that I was grown up with are nothing, but crap. There is no such thing called, “I care for you,” and it is all about, “I care for me.”
That was the day when I changed my way of thinking and seeing people. People don’t ask me for help anymore. They talk bad about me and they consider me as the most selfish person on this planet.
And, the funniest part is, not saints, but thieves are labeling me as a thief. I now feel no hesitation in banging a clever dog or bitch. I now barely cares about how my so-called mean friends feel. But I am really enjoying now.
After crossing that stormy sea of struggle, I now have a better vision; I now can have a clear distinction between real pain and crocodile tears. The salty water of that stormy sea improved my eyesight.