The time between engagement and marriage is considered good. But, a few say, this can increase the stress even before the formation of a relationship.
We two were alone in a room; me and my would-be wife. Despite, being a digital marketing expert and an adjunct lecturer of marketing, who is very popular among his students for his sense of humor and subject knowledge, I was completely out of questions. So was she as I guessed.
Suddenly, I realized that I am the only speaker of my institution. Thus, I dared. “Are you happy with this methodology of getting married?” I was half- prepared for a no.
But, WTF. Instead of refusing, she asked me to say no and it would be better if we can have time between engagement and marriage. And, on top of this, she insisted me to buy this time as she cannot ask her parents for the same.
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So, I took whole responsibility and asked my parents that I am fine with the girl, but I need a little more time. How about not getting married at least before six months.”
After that day, I made two new friends. “A tea seller and a mango tree.” I changed my mobile plan from minimum rental to maximum rental with 4g calling. Every afternoon, I used to spend at least 70% of my lunchtime on phone.
Nor I was not convincing any foreign client, neither I was talking about marketing trends, but for the first time in last 30 years, I was telling someone, what I had for lunch. I was convincing someone about my plans of breaking stars for her.
Days were passing and judgment day was approaching. After traveling the whole galaxy through phone, and after having endless parliamentary discussions whole night, finally, we both were back on this planet.
We had so many arguments during those five months; arguments about what one should not wear, what one should not eat, how my parents are superior to yours, how disciplined I am, how strict I am, how hard-working and moneymaker I am and so on. Well, I was more like an open book to her and I have explained to her every single trait of my nature.
I got a friend, who used to suggest me, “not to share so much and be a good listener.” He used to tell me, “you think you are defining yourself. No, you are guiding her, how much refining you need.”
And, before being a lifetime partner, she will be completely aware of all your habits, emotional pullbacks, things that make you happy. You have already explained to her about how she can use those triggers, as and when required (to get her things done).
Ah! that makes no sense. I am the strong guy and she cannot use me. I have just explained my parameters and boundaries.
But, I was wrong and that guy was right. That demand of time between engagement and marriage was pre-planned (the six months’ gap).
Now, I am getting this. Dear friend, your advise is now making perfect sense. There is no use of postponing your marriage ceremony, once you had already decided for an arranged marriage.
People usually ask, what to do between engagement and marriage and how to spend time between engagement and marriage. The best answer I can give them is – do not be an open book in that time gap.
Instead of weaving stories and telling how big idiot you are, you should listen to your partner. If you want the best thing, make listening your habit. Knowing your partner before marriage is okay. But, when you are already up for an arranged marriage, then there is no way, you can decode a person or his family within few months.
In any case, be it a five minutes’ talk in a closed room with a shared back wall or asking for a time between your engagement and marriage, nothing is going to make a difference unless you handle things maturely.