The time gap between engagement and marriage is considered good. But, a few say, this can increase the stress even before the formation of a relationship.
Meet my friend, Ammy! This is his story; could be a lesson for many of you other who think the should be a time gap between the engagement and marriage.
“Let us leave boy and girl alone. Let them have a talk.” this one-liner is more likely, announcing a match, without telling, who is going to bat first.
My parents and her parents left us alone in a room to have a secret talk. Let me remind you, we were not at all alone; we were sitting in a room; a room that was sharing a back wall (probably 4 inches in width) with a room, where rest of the well-wishers were sitting. They can even hear our whispers.
For the readers, who are not so familiar with the arrange marriage concept followed in many civilizations like India; it is a group of people choose a life partner for you and asking you to spend all your life with him/her.
Well, you might be thinking – Oh! come on. Nowadays, people cannot allow anyone to choose a shirt for them, then how can they choose a life partner for you?
But, this is freakishly real. No wonder, we have reached mars, yet, many of us are not allowed to choose a partner.
We two were alone in a room; me and my would-be wife. Despite, being a digital marketing expert and an adjunct lecturer of marketing, who is very popular among his students for his sense of humor and subject knowledge, I was completely out of questions. So was she as I guessed.
Who will bell the cat?
Suddenly, I realized that I am the only speaker of my institution. Thus, I dared. “Are you happy with this methodology of getting married? I mean, I hope we have not offended you by directly approaching you for marriage.”
“Not at all. I am fine with it. Probably, that is why I am sitting here; next to a complete stranger. Can I request you something?” she replied.
“Here we go.” I was half- prepared for a no. I knew it. She is going to give me an excuse for not getting married. But, WTF. Instead of refusing, she asked me to say no and it would be better if we can have time in between. She said, “please, don’t get me wrong. We must respect our parents’ beliefs, but don’t you think, we must do something so that we can have time to know each other before we can get married.
I was quite convinced with her opinion. So, like a major general of the army, I took whole responsibility and offered my head for the saw.
“Ummmm, I am fine with the girl, but I need a little more time with this newly formed relationship. How about not getting married at least before six months.”
For the first time, I was doubtful about my this decision of seeking time.
After that day, I made two new friends. “A tea seller and a mango tree.” I changed my mobile plan from minimum rental to maximum rental with 4g calling. Every afternoon, I used to spend at least 70% of my lunchtime on phone.
Nor I was not convincing any foreign client, neither I was talking about marketing trends, but for the first time in last 30 years, I was telling someone, what I had for lunch. I was convincing someone about my plans of breaking stars for her.
Days were passing and judgment day was approaching. After traveling the whole galaxy through phone, and after having endless parliamentary discussions whole night, finally, we both were back on this planet.
We had so many arguments during those five months; arguments about what one should not wear, what one should not eat, how my parents are superior to yours, how disciplined I am, how strict I am, how hard-working and moneymaker I am and so on. Well, I was more like an open book to her and I have explained to her every single trait of my nature.
I got a friend, who used to suggest me, “not to share so much and be a good listener.” He used to tell me, “you think you are defining yourself. No, you are guiding her, how much refining you need.”
And, before being a lifetime partner, she will be completely aware of all your habits, emotional pullbacks, things that make you happy. You have already explained to her about how she can use those triggers, as and when required (to get her things done).
Ah! that makes no sense. I am the strong guy and she cannot use me. I have just explained my parameters and boundaries.
But, I was wrong and that guy was right. That demand of time gap was preplanned (the six months’ gap).
Now, I am getting this. Dear friend, you advise is now making perfect sense. There is no use of postponing your marriage ceremony, once you had already decided for an arranged marriage.
In any case, be it a five minutes’ talk in a closed room with a shared back wall or a long gap between your engagement and marriage, nothing is going to make a difference unless you handle things maturely.