How do I Make my Partner Trust me?

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How do I Make my Partner Trust me?
How do I Make my Partner Trust me?
Photo Credit: Nicoleta Ionescu / Bigstockphoto.com
Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

HIGHLIGHTS

  1. Without trust, your relationship is doomed.
  2. Learn to be open with your partner.
  3. Be dependable and trustworthy.

We all make mistakes in relationships, some are little and can easily be forgiven, others not so much. Sometimes, we carve deep wounds into the psyche of our partners, this breaches their trust and allows distrust to grow in the relationship.

Sometimes, it’s not our doing, maybe it is the personality of our better half that makes them distrust and suspect us. In each case, we must work, together, to identify the root of the problem and uproot it. We have to try our best to make sure that trust is grown and incubated in our relationships. But how do we achieve this?

Be Open

This has two prongs: the first is to decide to talk about the lack of trust. Voice out your opinions to you partner, whether you are the one on the receiving or giving end of the distrust. Explain your position and why you feel this way. Open communication not only allows you as a couple to address the issue head-on, but in itself promotes intimacy and trust. Because it allows the couple to feel as though they are tackling issues from a united front, as a team.

ALSO READ | Communication Gap – The Culprit Behind Ugly Relationships

The second prong is to be open, lose the secretiveness. You shouldn’t jump for your phone every time your partner reaches for it. If you have something to hide, then perhaps a relationship is not where you ought to be. We should learn not to keep secrets or tell lies in our relationship. Lies no matter how small, have a way of damaging the integrity of our relationship.“Even small lies are like psychological termites,” says Joel Block, Ph.D., a certified coupletherapist and author. “They take unnoticeable bites over time and eventually weaken the foundation of your relationship.”

Be Dependable

Trust is learned and earned over time, when you are supportive, dependable and trustworthy, then you can be trusted. If you say you will do something, no matter how tiny the task is, always do it. If your partner cannot trust that you will do the dishes when you say you will, how can she trust that you will care for her? Trust is built over time, as you earn in the smaller levels, you grow into bigger levels. Trust goes both ways too, it is a give and take, if you are not dependable and trustworthy then you cannot expect the same from your partner. Keep your promises.

Don’t Judge

Judging a person doesn’t define who they are. It defines who you are.

If your partner has committed a mistake in the past and you have forgiven them, it takes time to rebuild the torn trust. But if you remain in the relationship, it is because you chose to give them a second chance. This may difficult for you but don’t judge every situation at face value, always dig deeper because there may be another reason. Don’t be quick to suspect and criminalize your loved one. Rather choose to entertain the possibility of another reason, it helps control your emotions and remind you that you are indeed giving them a second chance.

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In the same vein, if your partner chooses to share a major mistake they made at work or in their personal life, don’t be quick to pass scathing judgment. The fact that they are willing to share with you means that they are willing to be vulnerable with you. You have to be careful to respond with kindness and encouragement. If you judge them, they are likely to recede, not trust you and not share with you.

A lack of trust is responsible for many breakups today. The mistrusted partner lives in the light of his past or imagined errors, and the mistrusting partner lives to be the ever watching watchdog. This eventually undermines the entire relationship, because no one can keep up with such emotional turmoil.

“Trust helps people think less about the risks of getting close to someone, depend on them, and see them in a positive light.”

– Laura Luchies, professor of psychology