The controversies between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws are nothing new; a story of every second Indian house. “Vivah Sampann Hua,” and the life for a son, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law never remains the same.
“Kyonki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi.” The most watched Indian TV Opera and the secret behind its success was – clever depiction of saas- bahu politics. The funniest but the strange part is, from this point onward, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law determine the scores of the son.
Should they have a healthy relationship, son is a good son and good husband and be it the case otherwise, the hero becomes an extra. On a serious note, for both the ladies, this relationship is weak, tense and even contending sometimes.
The episode starts with the smallest possible thing like preparing food and finally becomes a reason for son’s separation from his parents. The egoistic clash of both the ladies finally ends when either the son is decorated with “a thankless son award” or daughter-in-law is adorned with,“clever fox award,” by the relatives acting as special jury members.
Before writing this article, I went through at least hundred discussion threads about saas and bahu saazishey. To my wonder, there is so much of emotional depth and a strong resistance to change. There has to be a solution for all these and I found a few. I am not sure, right or wrong and I let my readers be the judge.
“Good married life of your kids makes you a good mommy.”
Mommy, why do you feel insecure if I am talking to my wife so much?
For most of the mothers, it is hard to give away their only son whom they have grown up as a man from a thumb-sucking kid, to someone who just came in. Mommies, you need to set your son free, hesitate not from cutting the apron strings attached with your son.
We should learn to accept our true place in the relationship. Instead of expecting your son to do what he used to do earlier, is a mistake. Rather, ask him to consult his wife and offer her the required place.
Do not cry or do emotional dramas for grabbing your son’s attention. You must learn how you can encourage your son about his participation in the marriage.
Be a pray for your daughter-in-law
If you willfully enters into a competition with your daughter-in-law, then being an opponent you would be praying for her defeat. If you see things are not working out between your son and his wife or even between you and his wife, try to pray for her.
Do not always criticize rather seek God’s help, pray that may God show her the way and also ask God to show you how to love her as if your own daughter.
We all love compliments and a few words of praise
Mommy, try to praise your daughter-in-law, a little compliment from you at the right time will surely make a huge difference. A few words of praise for your Bahu especially when you see your son around means a lot to her.
Mistakes are very easy to find. Try to learn how not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Taunting and remarking needs no special training, but, applauding, praising and complimenting does.
Speak when you as asked for
“Ek Chup Sau Sukh.” Without any shadow of a doubt, this is the best rule to follow. Do not be an advice volunteer and offer your piece of advice only when it is asked.
No wonder, if the girl from the other family takes your free advice as a threat or an order.
Your daughter-in-law might be different from you
Why would you mind to accept your daughter-in-law as she is? Why do you want her to mold as you want? She might be from a family where they eat curd with sugar or where they cook in a different way.
What is the big deal? Accept her with all her trends. Should you try to change her what you want her to be, it will only plant bitterness in the relationship. Even if you want to change a few thing, first try to learn her mindset and function accordingly.
Also, stop putting your expectation on her and rather set her free. The simple principle that works here is, “one who cares need no reminders and one who doesn’t, reminders are of no use.”
Stop assuming and start talking
Instead of talking about each other, better talk to each other. Stop assuming why you daughter-in-law did something. Probabilities and assumptions are two main culprits behind every ruined relationship.
Before you jump on the decision, better speak in person. Most of the time we stop talking for no reason and by the time, we realize, it already too late. Asking question is okay but the most important part here that we need to take care of is, “Tone.”
There are a lot more things like taking initiative, thinking positive about your daughter-in-law, not being biased to your son’s mistakes, respect their (son and his wife) decisions even if you know they are wrong.