It’s okay, you cheated me. God Bless You!

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June 22nd, 2007, it was and, despite my fifty calls, she answered none. Perhaps the ugliest day and longest night of my life; I was sitting in the parking area and looking at stars. My vision was blurry with every second passed as I was in tears.

I was consistently checking my phone and I was as restless as I was the day before when I proposed her. Six long years and countless hours of discussions on our future together; every single word of her was pushing me towards her. Although I sensed the unfortunate thing, yet, I was not ready to accept that.

I was quite confident that she is not picking my call intentionally, yet I was consoling myself – “she might be sleeping.” The blackness of night faded away and for the first time in last 10 years, I experienced the sunrise. Still remember, it was the month of 23rd June 2007.

After a breakup, the loyal one stays single and deals with the damages until healed. The other one is already in another relationship.

I was half asleep and around 5.15 in the evening, my phone vibrated. I had the last phone call from her and her final words were, “I am sorry! It is all over. You can curse me for whatever I did to you.

Yes, I want you to curse me for that, but trust me when I say, I love You! Please do not call me anymore.” And, a long pause. That is it and I was all alone with my pain and sorrows. Before I can request her to stay for a few more last minutes, before I can ask her for the last meeting so that I can capture her face in my eyes for years to come; she was long gone.

In front of my eyes, someone whom I trusted the most shredded the book of my emotions into pieces. With a sob of despair, I was picking up those pieces; for the first time, I experienced what it likes to see a grown-up man whimpering like a kid.

Finally, God answered someone prayers, but not mine. For me, accepting the separation was the hardest thing to do and I was sinking myself in my own quagmire of betrayal thoughts – for whom she cheated me and why? Should defaming her and infringing her new relationship will make me feel better?

I agree our relationship was in serious difficulties and, despite every effort, I can put, I failed to fix it and unfortunately, the separation was the only solution. Undeniably, end of this relationship was a painful time; at least for me. This separation was more of a “cocktail” of emotions and feelings, not at all pleasant.

This breakup fueled my sadness, frustration, dissatisfaction and anger. This was not the climax that I expected, though I had intuitions about the premature death of my love story.

Don’t play with my feelings, just because you are unsure of your own.

Now that you are gone, I am thinking, wish I could have an open discussion with you. I agree, talking at this point was the last thing we want to have as the tensions between two of us were extremely serious.

But, don’t you think, to end a relationship with dignity, we were supposed to talk; we need to find the strength to talk openly with our partner about everything that displeases us and why you want to end the relationship?

I am not blaming you completely, but even if it were my mistakes that made forced you to break up, still a very frank discussion about what disturbed you, would have helped me and I could have released my negative emotions. Instead, cursing my luck and sowing the seeds of hatred for you, I would have accepted your ‘u-turn’ and just like you, I would have continued with my journey without you.

I miss your smile.. But, I miss mine more – Laurel House

No denial, the geographical distance played a role as well. You were free to block me where you want to, be it Mobile Phone, Yahoo Messenger, Orkut, Hi5, Skype or Facebook (2007), but for me, these were the only medium of communications with you. Now, it is becoming clearer why do many of ‘lovebird’ prefer these modes of electronic communications and avoid face-to-face interactions.

Behind the wires, they can manipulate every weird thing they say; these online emoticons and template messages are used as masks. Wish, I had overruled your request of not meeting in person, especially when things were going in bad shape.

I think this was a major mistake, and if you are in the same boat, you should avoid at all costs. Now, I have learned that one should end a relationship face-to-face, to avoid any unpleasant situations caused by distortion of messages, ambiguous phrases or inappropriate expressions.

I don’t hate you. I’M just disappointed. You tuned into everything you said you’d never be.

I am now feeling like we missed the sincerity with which formed our relationship. I know you were expecting a breakup and trust me, it was your cleverness that traumatized me. Why were you hiding from me and why were you giving excuses that were far from the truth?

I still don’t know what should I do with your lame justifications that have nothing to do with reality. I was not looking for fairy-tales and I was seriously expecting a true story. Should you have given me the truth, I would have felt liberated, and I would have saved myself from this painful experience that has brought only suffering.

Do I really need to tell you that separation is a traumatic experience? Wish, you had tried to put yourself in my skin, only then you could have an idea of how it feels. You left me without saying anything about the fate of our future plans – unintentionally, you gave me a reason to stay ‘never forget you.’

I know that you are never going to come back, but as you ended up everything in the mid-way and that too without respecting my dignity, I believe, I will be living in a guilt for rest of my life.

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