Intimacy and sex Are they fading in your relationship?

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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

Sex does not happen by itself and there exist a thin line between you are actually satisfied and just pretending that you are happy with your sex life.

There is nothing absurd if you as a partner fails to meet the amount of sex drive as your partner might be having. Instead, behaving like a weed, one should better talk to his partner about what he must do and what he must refrain himself from doing, in order to make you feel comfortable, thus, a satisfying sex life.

Be it any civilization, we do not talk sex at home, especially with our parents, despite knowing that sex is part of life, like sleeping and eating. Let me tell, you certainly are not the only one as there are much more in the same boat. In addition, “Sex should still go without saying?” Many of the people out there must vote for this ideology. Isn’t it? Indeed, sex is a prime area where many couples ‘automatically’ go. But, the problem is – while having sex we do not bother about what our partner might be expecting; it all about self-pleasure. Then, comes a time when sex becomes a pain and the spark between partners start fading. Let us learn about how we can preserve that ‘spice’ for a little longer.

In The Beginning, No Problem

At the beginning of a relationship, the partners often fall in love up to their ears and the couples are very excited to make love with each other. But, after a few months or say years when the infatuation weakens, it becomes clear that they have different needs. One wants to make love more often than the other or there are different needs in the way of love. It’s actually very normal, as far as it is about the needs of partners. To keep things evergreen, the best way is – never give up on giving surprises to each other. Should you not try adding up any spice in your life, you are going to find each other boring and predictable.

Difference In Desire For Sex 

For many partners – a difference in desire for having sex is a big problem. According to many studies, there comes a point in a relationship when the sex drive of one partner suddenly starts declining and that partner votes for less sex than before. There are several reasons for not having the mood for sex other than physical. A few of them are – stress, fatigue, anger, fear or embarrassment. You do not need an immediate medical test to find out the cause. When you see that your partner is not showing his/her willingness for sex than he/she used to show before, talk about it with your partner. This little discussion can help him/her psychology and your partner can take the pressure off. Ultimately, your partner will experience less stress and he/she will have a better mood for sex.

Talking Is Fun


Talking with your partner is a prerequisite to making each other sexually satisfied with the sexual relationship. Being open about what you feel or think will lay the foundation to work together. In short, this talking will help you both to find enjoyable ways of lovemaking and possible solutions to sexual problems. Moreover, you often feel free in your relationship if you can talk openly with each other. That’s your sex life for the better. Many people feel ashamed to talk about sex with their partner. They find it exciting to make their wishes known, but often see it also as a taboo to discuss sexual problems. Moreover, they do not want their partner to offend and give the impression that he or she is sex-maniac. Perhaps, this is why they often hide their sexual dissatisfaction from their partners. Talking about sex does not have to be “heavy”. On the contrary, talking about sex can be great fun and even erotic!

How Do You Tie A Sexual Conversation And How To Respond

Just keep in your mind that you both want the same thing – fine sex. Discuss together how you can get it. If you start with ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ or ‘you’ – more likely you will be working together to find out the solutions and great ideas. Tell your partner that this is going to be exciting and make sure that your partners find it exciting. Be honest, even about things that you would rather differently. You might feel embarrassed, but your embarrassment is not going to help your partner during sex. The logic is – if you are not enjoying the sex, there are huge chances that your partner might not also enjoy. Speak from your experience, and do not judge. Say, “it seems fine if you give me a few more kisses before we undress” instead “you only give me a few kisses” or “I do not find it exciting if I am doing all the things and I am the one taking all the initiative. I find it exciting if you do that for me.

Formulate your criticism as a wish. If you want your partner to behave differently in bed, never say that, “you never look at me when we have sex. It makes me feel that we are going to have for the first time.” This will make your partner feel uncomfortable. Instead, say – “I love it when you look at me during sex”. Well, try that for once. Do not talk about other things and make your discussion as erotic as it can be. Talking about sex must not sound ‘nonsense.’ Many people find it erotic to talk about their fantasies and desires. For an open discussion, it is also important that you know how you respond to your partner.

Learn how you need to respond to your partner. Go open and take that call. Do not assume that you know what your partner wants. Ask questions and wait for a few seconds before you comment. If you know what is going on with your partner, you can take that into account and look for a solution together. Listen to your partner and let him or her speak; do it like ABA conversation (applied behavior analysis).Give your partner the space to express his or her desires and to indicate what your partner would want otherwise. Do not feel attacked when your partner is not quite satisfied with how it is now. Remember again you both want the same thing: a fine sex life.

Show understanding for his or her experience and feelings- “I understand that you feel that way” or “I can imagine that you are thereby.”

SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY.