Mama’s boys are close to their mothers to the detriment of their marriages. Usually, wives spend a whole lot of time complaining about their mothers-in-law, and usually end up frustrated with their husbands and marriages.
If you are constantly feeling like a third wheel in your marriage, and feel that your husband prioritizes his mother over you, then this is a cause for concern. The first preventive strategy is to identify this trait in the early stages of dating and move on, but if you are already married, here are some strategies to help you cope with the difficulties of being married to a mama’s boy
- Ask you husband to set boundaries.
- Be patient, diplomatic and tactful when communicating with your husband.
- Get to know and appreciate your mother-in-law.
Communicate With Your Husband
This is the first step. You need to know how to tell your husband that he is too dependent on his mother. Of course, when you tell him, he will likely get defensive so you need to learn how to communicate with tact and diplomacy.
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De-emphasize the focus by turning to your feelings. Don’t make accusative statements like “You are always abandoning me for your mom” or “You love your mom more than me”.
Be Patient and Empathize with Him
Remember that he has known his mom longer and they have probably been through a lot together. Rather say things like “I know how much you love your mom, and I think it is sweet, but I would really like us to have alone time for ourselves.”
If he runs to her to complain about every single marital conflict, or to report you, then you need to strongly put your foot down and remind him that your journey as a married couple will be sweeter if you both tackle problems together without a third party.
Husbands Shouldn’t Compare Wives And Mothers
As a husband, you need to set boundaries for yourself and your mother. Prioritize your wife and most importantly, never compare your wife to you mom. Men are guilty of saying that their mom cooks or cleans better than their wives, but this is unacceptable. Household chores should be accomplished together, to build unity and foster a sense of responsibility.
Do Not Compete With His Mother
No good can come from forcing your husband to pick sides between his mom and you, the two relationships are different yet equally important to him. Therefore, do not try to compete against his mother, just do your own thing.
Don’t gripe to your husband about his mom’s faults. Would you like it if someone spoke ill of your mom, even if it had some truth in it? Call your friends and complain to them, they are better equipped to handle it than your husband.
Bond with your mother-in-law
This is a huge compromise but it can go a long way to smoothening your relationship. Get to know her – her likes and dislikes. Praise her for raising her son right and for allowing you to be a part of the family. Compliments are the easiest way to make friends.
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The next step is to find a common area of interest and develop a shared activity. When she likes you, she’ll feel more comfortable with you and will slowly back away from your marriage.
Most importantly, it makes it easier for you to share your problems with her, and she is more likely to pay heed to you. Think of it as you have gained a new mother; after all she can’t be that bad especially since she raised the man that you now love.
Finally, never ask your husband to resolve conflicts between his mom and you; you are a mature woman with different relationships in your life, figure out a way to solve the issue by yourself.