How do you deal with an angry spouse?

Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

Fight with your spouse, but not against. 

“Domestic fights are common, be it India or America.” People organize seminars in order to understand the real reasons behind these hullabaloos. Psychiatrists are busy selling their books with beautiful front covers. “Women are hard to understand and impossible to please,” they say. Is that so? “Is it very hard to reach the root of this avoidable, but unessential nonsense?” Well, not at all. Let me tell you the secret – women are emotional set, and you need to learn how to handle that emotional volcano. Trust me, it is very easy and not at all a NASA formula. The simple logic that works here is – “Keep the ego satisfy and everything will be under-control.” A minor annoyance can in no time turns into a violence and it could possibly get you a life-time regret, if not handled properly. Let me tell you, how to control things. A wrong action gives an incorrect response. Therefore, it is useful to consider reading through these tips and test these, next time the situation threatens to get out of hand.

She Does Not Know The Facts

When a woman is furious, men often want to come up with rational arguments to appease the situation. That does not work for women. When she is angry, she is not interested in the facts. Stop giving them facts, as they are not going to work in the situation, but will raise her temperature. In many cases, the facts will make it worse because the moment you start giving facts, they get the feeling that you are not listening to them and not at all respecting them.

Keep Yourself Calm

Every action have an equal reaction. Jokes apart. When a woman gets mad and starts yelling, you will equally mad and you won’t be in mood of leaving any chance of confrontation. But, trust me, should you do that, you will only feed her rage and finally, you will be anticipating a little disagreement in a long fight. Try to stay calm, and try not to take over her anger. Initially you will find it horrible and bad, but later on after the ceasefire, you can put the blame on them.

Show Interest

Big or small, if there is a problem, you must listen to her, with both of your ears. In many cases you do not even have to answer, just listen it. It is her story and in her style. Dare not to look here and there, especially when she sighs and rolls her eyes. Should you do that, get ready for another scoop on top. When you give her attention, she has no reason to be even angrier, that they can blow off her steam. Nod occasionally, confirm that you listen, and try substantive answers. Even though this is not in your character, yet this is a critical part of a functioning relationship.

Be Honest

Have you made a stupid mistake? Be honest and confess that you have been stupid. Do not do that in a pedantic way. We all make mistakes, do not be arrogant, but accept that you are not perfect and take your responsibility as a man.

A happy marriage is the union of two forgiver Ruth Bell Graham

Take A Step Back

You do not always have to agree with her, but you can say that you know what she means; especially when it is about a criticism of your own behavior. By taking her seriously, you are making her feel appreciated and this takes the sting out of anger. Often it has to do with the fact that something is unfair in her eyes, something beyond her control and that something is a personal attack for women. Make sure she understands that you are willing to do it. Also, make sure they find you valuing your relationship and you are prepared for putting extra effort and energy.

Maintain Eye Contact

If you avoid her eyes, it means that you feel guilty or that you’re equally into a mood of quarrel. And, for women mean, no eye contact means – you listen, but do not overdo it. When you are closed all the way, they think you want to get the problem out of the way and whether that is true or not. This is going to make them more furious. Keep looking at it, check the confrontation out of the way.

Many  marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood  that they are on the same side 

Be Involved

Ask occasional questions during her rage. Never ask questions about something they have already told you because this will have an opposite effect. Do ask questions related to situation. The main purpose behind asking question is – breaking her anger. Remind me of a quote, “ if you want to win an argument, ask questions.” By asking questions you will be proving her that you are listen, and you are interested . In addition, you want to know more about what happened and you will be adding bonus points.

Walk Away

Running away is not smart, but if you take her. Often there is a charged atmosphere at the place where the quarrel arose. Make her move with you and this will help you both in avoiding the tense atmosphere. That way you’ll be much faster towards a solution, and you give her the chance to use her energy elsewhere .

Set Your Limits

Eternal quarrels lull is not the intention. Do your best to appease angry rain when the situation requires it, but imagine limits. You are in a relationship for getting support and positive energy from each other. It is not about win-win situation for one and loose-loose for the second one. It is not that always women is right. You need to make it very clear. Set your limits and make sure you are not encouraging negative behavior by “love.”

When I say “leave me alone,” I want you to say, ” No, I could never leave you.” 

It seems trivial, but three phrases can solve everything. She feels understood, she thinks you take the blame and the situation calmed.

Three magic phrases are – “Yes, I agree with you. You’re right. Sorry.’ Whether you really sorry, it does not matter all that much.