Dear couples, I have a question about sex. Can you tell me – when it comes to sex, why some couples have problems of communication? Don’t you think sexual communication is a part of a relationship?
Well, be it a professional relationship or personal, no one can deny the importance of communication. Can you? Communication plays an important role. If you ask me to figure out the life of your relationship with someone, I would only ask one question, “how often you guys communicate?” Same is the case your sex life. Sexual communication can define the health of your sexual relationship. Trust me, silence during sex affects your sex life.
Why don’t couples want to talk about sex? Frankly speaking, we try to camouflage our inexperience, timidity, and the desire not to hurt the person you love. We name it as – civilization or courtesy. We prefer ignoring this aspect and treat it with indifference.
During my question answer sessions, I felt like the biggest reason behind this silence is uncertainty about the reaction of your partner. In many civilizations like India, if you are talking about sex with your partner, it feels like you are talking nonsense. Don’t know why, but people believe that talking about sex is weird.
Many people I had sessions (counseling) with are living with a perception that they don’t want to talk about sex because it is going to label them as a pervert, sex maniac. For many of them, it is embarrassing.
But, what they don’t realize is – this momentary rejection about sex discussions is fathering many relationship problems like extra-marital affairs, breakups, or divorces. I have seen many cases where the only reason behind the separation was low or dull sex life.
We need to understand that life partner never comes with “instructions for use.” Sex plays an indispensable role in the life of a couple. It might not be the most important one, but it matters a lot.
You cannot expect your partner to read your mind all the times. Sometimes, your thoughts need your words, especially if you know each other for a long time.
Now, it is not only about speaking. There are other forms of communication as well like gestures, glances, touching, and body language. Because, action speaks louder than words, they say. If verbal communication is not your thing, you can opt for non-verbal communication. The purpose is breaking the silence and expressing your thoughts.
For example, should you want your partner to touch your breast area, you can always guide your partner, taking his hand to show why and how you like.
For the first timers, it is kinda weird stuff, but let me tell you, verbal explanations can increase the pleasure of the love game.
Do not be ashamed of expressing your wishes because silence has no place in your sex life. I repeat, lack of communication means you are opening the doors for frustrations, disappointments, unhappiness, and pleasure-less sex.
Be very careful about your timing. You need to choose the moment; wait for the right moment, even after intercourse. Learn some tact and improve your patience. If not during intercourse, explain to your partner what you liked, disliked, and what could be improved after having intercourse.
You need to keep that talk as sensible as it can be. Explain yourself as clearly and calmly as you can. Once done, listen carefully to the views and wishes of your partner as well. Maybe you are forcing her to do something that she is not comfortable with. Do keep in mind that sexual pleasure is about mutual satisfaction.
You don’t want your partner to scream things. During intercourse, the indications like rapid breathing, moaning with pleasure can do the same thing; express your views.
In your bedroom, you have the freedom to experience all communication techniques. There is nothing unacceptable in the bedroom, as long as both agree, and this cannot be achieved only through good communication.