Anger Management: Exploring what’s behind the Anger

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Sukhdeep Singh

Sukhdeep Singh

Write Something To Right Something

Passionate about playing with words. Sukhdeep is a Post Graduate in Finance. Besides penning down ideas, he is an expert online marketing consultant and a speaker.

Before finding out the tips of managing anger, let us understand what anger is?

Situations that makes you angry are often echoes of previous difficult events. The way you express your anger is also learned. If you grew up in an environment where anger is expressed by the physical and / or verbal abuse, you’ll for sure have a tendency to speak in this way. A secondary emotion is an emotion that is produced in response to another emotion, or in response to it (being angry against someone who made you feel ashamed). Ask yourself a question – Are you really angry? What is the cause behind that feeling – insecurity, injury, shame, vulnerability or gene? Anger is the only way you learned to communicate that something is wrong.

Tips to Determine what’s behind the Anger

You have difficulty to compromise. It’s hard for you to hear and understand the views of others? You have difficulty to give a point in a discussion? If you grew up in a family where the expression of anger is all about going out of control and made you a believe that probably only by getting angry or speaking loudly will get you everything you want, you will take expressing anger as a solution to everything. In such a situation , a compromise will echo a sense of failure and vulnerability.

You take different views of you for assault. You will consider yourself always right and you will be the one with difficulties to consider that someone might have a different opinion from yours? If you have a high need for control or a sense of personal fragility often activated, it is possible that you will take any indifference as a challenge to your authority instead a simple view divergence.

If you are not comfortable with emotions, you “disconnect” frequently, and anger is your answer for everything, in that case, you really need to spend some more time with your emotions. The awareness of emotions is a key to self-knowledge. While learning to cope with the extensive range of human emotions, you will be able to see a more little clearer view that won’t let you isolate socially. The awareness of emotions is a skill . It is learned.

Thoughts Patterns in Anger Problems

Over-generalization : Over-generalization of your emotions is thought pattern number one . Like “you always interrupt me,” ” never, do not you ask me my opinion” “nobody respects me” “I never had what I deserve.”

Despotism : “shall” and “must” (the must-haves ) is pattern number two. In this thought pattern, you will be having a rigid vision of how things should happen, and in reality is completely different.

Mind reading and jump to the conclusion: this pattern of thought is at work when you “know” what others think, feel or assume about you ( “no no, I know exactly what he thinks … I guess , no, I know “). Further, if anyone have malicious intentions towards you, or someone intentionally ignores your needs or disrespects you, it triggers your anger.

Blaming : When something goes wrong, you start blaming others for the things that happen in your life. Making someone responsible for your failure is not going to be help you move forward. To move forward, you need to have the reins of your life in your hands, not in those of others. Wherever possible, avoid people, places, situations that make you angry

The stressful events do not excuse anger. Understanding how these events affect you can help you regain control and avoid further stress. Look in your daily life if you can identify activities, times of day, people, places or situations that activate your irritability and anger. Maybe you’re still trying to fight with some friends or you get angry when you order a drink. Or plugs make you crazy. Then try to see if it is possible to avoid sources of anger and irritation, possible means that it will not change your life, you do not limit your scope or to see the situation of a different way, so do not let your blood boil unnecessarily.

How to Soothe You – Tips to Calm Down Quickly

From the moment you recognize the premises of anger, you can act quickly to deal with it before it gets out of control. There are several techniques that can help soothe you.

Focus your attention on the physical feelings of anger. This may seem against intuitive, but focus your attention on what you feel in your body when you are angry. It will decrease the emotional intensity of anger. Take some deep breaths. Also, slow, deep breathing helps reduce physical tension. Breathe slowly and deeply with the belly and fill to the maximum your lungs with air.

Exercise, overexert yourself! A quick walk around the block is a good idea. It takes a minimum of exercise that you will feel a little tired. This will raise your endorphin levels, calming and uplifting naturally, and you can reenter the situation with a cool head. Use your 5 senses. Enjoy the relaxing power of your senses: taste, smell, touch, hearing, sight.

You can listen to music, imagine yourself at your favorite place. Stretch or massage the tension areas. Roll the shoulders if they are stretched or gently massage your neck or your head or face. Slowly count to 10. Center your attention on counting. If you are still very angry when you are finished, you can start over.

When you start to be frustrated by a situation, take a moment to think about it. Ask yourself:

To what extent is this really important? Is it worth getting angry? Is it worth it to ruin the rest of my day? Does my response is appropriate to the situation? Is there anything I can do ? I engage in problem solving activities or anger it is worthwhile that I devote time? Practice empathy and compassion

You are caught in a discussion that generates you tension and nervousness. Do keep in mind that every sentence of your interaction you are about to spit out is going to bring a new argument. Have you ever felt like someone had a problem to solve? In such a situation, at the height of the discussion, if someone is not talking on my side, instead getting angry I must start understanding this person opinion and must find arguments to defend it.

For a moment, observe your breath. Then, from the depths of your soul, send sympathy to that person because as you have learned so much about anger management, you now can save yourself from stepping in the same shoes as him.